Photos of The Crew

I wasn't sure what to post for today, seeing as the kittens are leaving first thing in the morning and I think their glamor shots was the best goodbye I could give.

I took a peek in my 'drafts' folder and found a post with these first three photos. One of them is Kit who we lost last November. I don't want to delete it, but it is bittersweet to share it.

And I thought I'd round that out with the rest of The Crew..

Kit; Saying Goodbye

Kit from 2011 

Nov 11, 2007 

Daddy's first cuddle 

The day or the day after she was born May 15th 

I knew losing Kit would be hard, but I didn't realize just how hard it would be. Kit was 100% my husband's cat, as I'm sure you are well aware.. 

She would find use for me when I had broccoli or had a blanket over my lap but, on the whole, she far preferred her favorite human, and I can't say I blame her.

I miss her, I do. I adored her because of how happy she made him. What has been hardest on me though is watching him grieve for her. As an empath, I feel it quite keenly and nothing makes me tear up faster than thinking of things that she will no longer be a part of... like crawling up on his chest to watch Charlie Brown Thanksgiving specials.. (which we were able to do one last time)

Kit's last photo.

Nine years was not nearly enough, but sadly it was what we had. In time, we will be able to smile because it happened but right now it still just hurts.

Her last days were hard. When she was diagnosed with lymphoma, I knew it was going to take her quickly because of how fast it popped up. We did not want her to suffer but we were not willing to let go easily. We had multiple discussions about just when to let her go. How do you tell when a cat who has a large lump on her throat is ready to go? At the time of diagnosis, she was still very much "Kit" and I could have gone a few more weeks before I found out it was going on if I hadn't put my hands on her that day. The vet said three to six months which would put her end of life somewhere in the new year - we hoped. But the more I thought about it, the less sure I was. The prednisolone put weight on her and seemed to make the tumor shrink a bit, so I had ideas that we would easily get through Thanksgiving, but we would have to make a decision after that. I spoke to my husband about it quite a bit in those last few days, preparing him that it was coming.

As the days went on, it became clear it was going to be close. She went off her food but happily ate treats. She was maintaining her weight. Yes, treats are not a balanced and appropriate diet, but it would have gotten us through Thanksgiving if the tumor didn't have a mind of its own.

I had taken a few days off to do things around the house but instead it turned into convalescence care for her. It became more and more apparent that her time was measured in hours and not in days. I wanted to make the appointment for Thursday but the vet didn't have an opening. They had a Friday early afternoon which sadly they had to postpone for a few hours.

The sunset on Thursday.

I wanted to make Kit as happy as I could. I dug out her favorite pillow that we had to put away a few years ago because it had a hole that was causing the pellets inside to fall out. I had such grand plans for making her a new one, I did. I have all of the components in my craft room except the stretchy fabric on the bottom. I looked everywhere.. I thought I had time.

She took to it immediately.

Waiting on Friday

Because she travels poorly, I had plans to give her a sedative and some Pepcid to make the journey easier but the tumor had advanced to the point where giving it to her was one of the most difficult things I've ever done.  When the time came, my husband opted to hold her instead of putting her in a carrier. We drove up and while the sedative helped it was still quite hard on all of us.  Her passing was a simple affair that we both were there for. We brought her favorite green blanket and she opted to lay on the floor.

A single star in the middle of the night's sky leads us home.
Nov 11th, 2016

The Crew adjusted very well to her passing. Skippy and Twee have stepped up to occupy the spot on my husband's chest that has been vacant. Fleurp is sleeping on the bed more often now. Everyone lost an ounce or two because they aren't being over fed (since he insisted on giving her a full portion of food despite her eating far less)

One day.. 

Final hours

This has been so hard. It is a fine line we draw for ourselves when dealing with an end of life illness; we want to squeeze every last moment out and keep them with us as long as possible... that is why we have pets.. they are not disposable when things aren't easy.

I clung to the 3-6 month prognosis from the vet, hoping that we would have her through Christmas. I feared that wouldn't be the case considering how fast it became so big. If we could get her through Thanksgiving, that would have been okay.

My husband can not deal. He shuts down when we have the conversation. He does not want to let her go and he does not want her to suffer.. She was bright eyed, interested in being with him, and she was eating, so waiting seemed reasonable. I discussed with him how it was kinder to put her down before she got to the point where she was miserable. I discussed how I fully believe that a month too early is far kinder than a minute too late. I kept having the conversation.

When she dropped the weight after cutting back the pred and I felt the tumor on both sides of her neck when I put my hand there I doubted we would get through Thanksgiving.. I feared what trying would mean. I was scared she would have some sort of event on Thanksgiving day and we would be so stressed over her.. and she would suffer.. I talked to him again about possibly this weekend or maybe next.. He couldn't make a decision.

She stopped eating raw food a few days ago, but happily ate chicken, so I fed it to her. Last night I opened up a can of Rx recovery food (it is very finely ground so it is easy to swallow) and she ate almost a quarter of a can. For her, that was impressive on a good day so I went to bed feeling confident we had time.

Today, she won't eat anything.

I called the vet, we have an appointment tomorrow the 11th at 2:15 EST.

I attempted to give her some fluids to help her since she isn't eating, but she was not having any of that. I got about half the amount I wanted to before she started growling, so I gave up. Fortunately, she forgave me pretty quickly.

I have a feeling my husband is going to be sleeping on the couch tonight to be closer to her.. It breaks my heart to lose her.. but it breaks my heart that he is losing her..

I'm going to be a mess, I know it. I'm not even going to try to hide it, so I'm going to hide me. If you see me over the next couple of days, feel free to join me in my denial of what is going on and talk to me about anything other than what I'm going through.. because that is the only way I am going to be able to get through it.

Thankful Thursday - time with Kit

Kit was recently diagnosed with malignant lymphoma and we were told that cats diagnosed with it usually have three to six months. We were hoping that we would all be together for one last set of holidays, but the last few days have brought that into question. Her cancer is on her throat and it is impeding her ability to swallow. It is not blocking her yet, but after a few bites she starts swallowing hard and occasionally a bit comes back up and you can tell it frustrates her.

She was originally put on 2.5mg prednisolone twice a day and the vet recommended that we drop that to once a day after a week. When we did she dropped a few ounces pretty quickly. They were ounces that she put on when we started the pred so I didn't initially worry. The next few days she appeared stable, but then her weight started to fall some more. She likes to hang out on the scale, so it makes it easy to check that - maybe a little too easy.

Because of the weight loss and the swallowing, I put her back on the twice a day pred and her weight stabilized again. She is not inclined to eat the raw food, so we have been giving her deli meat which she adores. Last night I broke out some A/D which is very finely ground and easy to swallow and she ended up eating a couple of ounces of that.

I was hopeful that I would do a weekly update on her but this is moving way too fast and I am pretty certain the next post will be letting you know that she is gone.

But since she is still with us, we will be very thankful and enjoy every moment we can with her without annoying her.

Vital Essentials Freeze-Dried Cat Treats #chewyinfluencer

For October's Influencer program, Chewy sent us two different things to blog about, the Kong Scratcher and Vital Essentials Chicken Breast Freeze-Dried Cat Treats. Vital Essentials is a line of single ingredient freeze dried treats that come in seven different protein sources: Wild Alaskan Salmon, Duck Liver, Minnows, Ahi Tuna, Rabbit, Chicken Giblets, and the one we tried Chicken Breast.

The package came with a variety of sizes of pieces. A lot of freeze-dried treats also have a lot of dust, that flakes off from the pieces as they rub together in transit and this bag had very little dust, which was nice. What was also nice was Kit was interested in trying them, and she ate several. The reason the bag is open in the first shot is because my husband opened it a while ago to give some to Kit, who needs to put on some weight she lost before we realized she had developed lymphoma.

Fleurp wants to remind you that she is also a princess and therefore she should should totally partake in the treats.

Kit - the test results

This is difficult for me because by sharing this I open myself up to the emotions I don't want to face right now, so I ask that instead of messages of condolence, please share with me a fun or heartwarming story of your kitties.

We received a call from the vet regarding the testing of the cells they took from Kit.  He is a very happy guy so the message we got led us to believe that we had good news.. and if you look at it from a certain perspective we kinda did - because at least we had a diagnosis and that is a good thing. What it is, however, is not. Malignant lymphoma. Average life span of a kitty with this kind of diagnosis without aggressive treatment (which has a 30-40% success rate and involves a lot of rides in the car and the cat feeling miserable while they are going through treatment) is three to six months. We are opting to give prednisolone and watching her and make sure she still has acceptable quality of life, at which point we will be making end of life decisions.

After my initial thought that the swelling in her neck was reducing, it appeared to remain the same so I was pretty much of the mindset that this was what we were dealing with anyway, but knowing.. it brings a whole new level of emotions to the party.. ones I was really hoping to avoid until it was too late.  I do not want to mourn her while she is still here, so I refuse to wallow. Please, help me do that by instead of telling me how sorry you are about this - and I KNOW you are because only cat people read cat blogs and we all know the pain all too keenly of the loss of a pet - please, share with me only fun things..

Like, see this photo? Notice that one of the catnip mice I bought at Target on clearance is missing from the package?  That is because Kit wanted to play with it.. so we did.  She was so happy to have the toy and we laughed when she batted right into Skippy's face. He was so confused to have a mouse fly into his face just as he was showing up hoping to get a treat.

Kit - the second opinion

Whenever I am faced with possible life ending diagnosis, I like to get a second opinion. Even if the doctor says the exact same thing as the first, I find it very helpful... it puts an end to second-guessing, wondering, and a lot of 'what ifs'.

The second vet, Dr. F, was nice and helpful and personable. I liked him a lot and when I'm back on my own two feet I am going to look into seeing if going to this clinic is an option.  He took another fine needle aspirate to see what he could see and, unfortunately, he is also of the belief that we are not dealing with an abscess. I was fairly certain the first vet was right but having the second look solidified it. My vet had called me about an hour before the appointment and told me that Kit's blood work all looked fine including her thyroid. Except for the great big lump on her throat she's in perfect health.

Sadly, these cells look abnormal and are not puss so we are still looking at something serious. Dr. F also suggested the biopsy, but he was willing to talk to me about the treatment options for anything we might find - something my current vet is unwilling to do, she is not willing to treat what she has not officially diagnosed.

He said there were a number of things it could be. There were two types of cancer, each type has two types, aggressive and benign. If it is aggressive, then we are looking at life ending events. We could do surgery and then chemo and radiation, but with a 30-40% success rate the chances of remission there is a very strong possibility that her last days would be miserable, and neither my husband nor I want this. He is adamant about not putting her through a lot of car rides. If it is benign, then there is a chance that having surgery will give her some extra time, but it too will come at her expense.  The treatment for benign cancer would be steroids, prednisolone in particular.

Then there is the chance it is an infection. The treatment for that is prednisolone and antibiotics.

I know my husband does not want a biopsy. He barely wanted me to take her out of the house for a second opinion... so finding out exactly what we were facing appeared to be off the table. We discussed our options and what removing that diagnostic tool from our toolbox meant. The treatment for any of the options that the biopsy would show us turn out to be the same, except in the worse case, we have opted not to pursue treatment. So we decided to go with the steroids and antibiotics and hope for a reduction in the tumor, hoping that it isn't a tumor but an infection.  Once we made that decision we found a message on the answering machine from Dr. F offering to send the slides of the aspirate to IDEXX to see if they could determine what we were dealing with. This appealed to both of us a great deal, because we would like to know what we are facing, so I took them back to the clinic to be sent off.

So she is on prednisolone twice a day and antibiotics once a day and has been since Friday evening. This morning I examined the lump and I thought it felt smaller... I (and the doctor) used the word golf ball to describe the size and I am fairly certain it is smaller than that now, but I am not sure if it is because I really really want it to be smaller.  Time will tell.

Kit

Kit was born in 2007 in our house. Her mom came here pregnant along with another. I am actually not sure who her mother is as the two cats that showed up were a mother-daughter pair turned into the shelter when whoever had them before realized things were out of control. I had dreams of keeping them separate so I would know which kittens belonged to which nursing mom, but they were having none of that, sharing the duties.  Each cat had four kittens and very quickly that room became overrun with ten very active cats. Kit was extremely slow to put on weight and when she was two pounds many of the other kittens were hitting four. The room was chaos, so I sent the entire family back hoping they would neuter her despite being under the 2.5lb limit the vet required. They did not and sent her back to me where she promptly continued on her mission to wrap my husband around her little paw. By the time she finally made weight, it was painfully obvious she wasn't going anywhere. She is now seven pounds of pure adoration for my husband.

Being a multi-cat household, we occasionally have scuffles and both Kit and Twee have come out on the losing end of those before, ending up with abscesses that need treatment. Fortunately, it hasn't happened often.

Kit has also had some issues with congestion lately, having a lot of coughing and sneezing that we cleared up earlier this year and I have been keeping an eye on her hoping it wouldn't come back. Tuesday I heard some sneezing and when I looked around I only saw Kit in the room. I went and took a closer look at her and she seemed fine, so I wondered if Skippy or Eli might have been somewhere I could not see as they also sneeze from time to time. Wednesday morning I made a point to look at Kit again to make sure I didn't see any nasal discharge. I saw a small speck of something dark and I immediately thought it was blood.  Em's first sign of the cancer that took her was a bloody nose, so I wanted to make sure that I wasn't being jumpy. I looked again and I was fairly certain it was blood, but I couldn't be positive. I went to work with the idea I would check her nose again when I got home. I know that a cat can have a nose bleed when they sneeze a lot, just like humans do. I see it in sick kittens all the time.

When I got home I found a larger speck of what was I was pretty sure was blood on her nose. I wanted to flush her nose out with saline, because if she was just dry or irritated from sneezing I knew it would help, and it would force her to sneeze and I would get a better idea of what was up there. This is when I found the lump.

The lump was on her neck. The implications were not good. It was a fairly recent development, I was sure of that.. no more than a couple of weeks ago and it was easily the size of a golf ball. I wanted it to be an abscess but I could not justify that diagnosis with the blood coming out of her nose. I called the vet in the middle of the night begging for an appointment the next day.

I could not go to the appointment as I was unable to get off of work due to half of the staff being out of the office at an event. My husband took her in, so I am not 100% sure what happened. They ran some blood and they took a fine needle aspirate looking for pus.  There was no pus, so they are pretty sure it is not an abscess.. but as to what it is, they do not know. They want to do a biopsy and the estimate is over $400 for that alone. My husband believes they can not do the biopsy and take it out at the same time.  The vet will call me in the morning with the bloodwork and I will ask for further clarification.

Since Kit does not travel well, we are both very cautious and want to keep her vet visits to a minimum. I am seriously considering taking her to another vet for a second opinion, but my first choice to do so has no appointments for today. It was suggested I call in the morning and see there are any cancellations which I intend to do.

I still want this to be an abscess because anything else is unthinkable. The more I think about it the less I can believe it is because I can't imagine a scenario where an abscess gets into the airway. I seriously fear we are facing an end of life event for her, and that kills me. She's only nine years old.