I helped your kitty this weekend

I helped your kitty this weekend, and you will never know.  I can't help but wonder if you will ever know what truly happened, or if you will just be left wondering..

wondering what happened, or even wondering where your sweet kitty is..

because this weekend I pulled your kitty from the middle of the road and laid it down next to the telephone pole near a local business.  There are no houses near by but there are some down the road.  When you realize your kitty is missing, will you walk this far to find it?  Will you not even realize until after the sanitation workers stop by and pick up the body?

These are questions I can't continue to ask myself, because they break my heart.

I want to yell and scream at you, but I can't.  I too lost a kitty to the great outdoors. Tig was abandoned outside as a kitten and then found and brought to a shelter.  I found him there and brought him home and he was frantic to get out.  It was November at the time, and we lived with in a professional pitcher's throw of a major interstate.  I so wanted to keep him in, but he was miserable and so we were miserable, so we let him out - of course he was miserable and wanted to get back in immediately.  Flashbacks of not having a home haunted him, but flash backs of defending his territory also haunted him and I was too inexperienced at the time to help him understand that being an indoor only kitty was a good thing.  So we helped him become an indoor/outdoor kitty by standing in the cold with him, and letting him in each of the 100 times he asked those first few days.  He was fine next to the highway.  Then we moved to a rough part of another town.  No trees, no grass, but he still refused to stay in. We moved in with the in-laws and he was out in the middle of the woods and in heaven with all the moles and mice to catch and bring home.  We moved again to another new town, with its own challenges.  This one had trees and birds, but it also had a heavily traveled road and I worried, but he was fine.  We finally bought out own home and moved to the country.  All my fears were eased.  I figured he would be safe out there.  Well one day he did not come home.  I did not worry about him until two days later because it was common for him to spend the night hunting.  15 or so years later I still have a small bit of hope that he found a new home to live in.. but now when he would be 22, I have come to accept that he is dead.

Will you wonder?

or will you know.

It looked like your kitty did not suffer.  It looked fairly peaceful laying there on the road.  When I realized what it was I had to turn around and go to help.  Animals on the road are often fair game to people who think it is fun to run them over and make them as flat as possible.  As I was pulling over an 18-wheeler was coming up on the body.  I flashed my lights and sent up a silent prayer and then... it was gone and your kitty was still intact.

Your kitty was also still warm.  It had been a while, but not all that long.  It could have easily still been alive save for the tongue hanging out of its mouth.  Still to be sure I called softly to it, no response.  I approached carefully, again to be sure, but still nothing.  In the very dim light the kitty held a strong resemblance to my Muffin.  White with a gray cap and cape and on the larger side of healthy.  Yet some how I did not cry.  I did what I had to do; I had no other choice.  The thought of your kitty there was something I could not bare.  It would have haunted my dreams, and I would have obsessed all night if not for days.

Just so you know, you are not alone.  This was the fifth kitty I have carried to the side of the road.  Many did not look as good as yours did.  Then there was the kitty I found in a ditch when I was still a school child delivering the afternoon papers.. She was alive, but she did not survive.  And when I let myself, I can only begin to image what happened to my Tig..

All I can allow myself to say is:

I'm so very very sorry for your loss.  you have my deepest condolences..
and your kitty has my tears.

Warning - graphic post

I'm very sorry.  I am pretty sure this post will upset some people, but it is rattling around in my head and I need to get it out.  I will completely understand if you abandon reading this post and move on to happier cuddlier posts..

Cause I saw a dead cat on the side of the road.  (if you didn't leave at the warning, you can leave now)

Every time.  Every time I feel a crack in my heart.. I know I really should pull over and stop driving because it really isn't all that safe for me to drive in such an emotional state, and often if the kitty isn't too mangled I do pull over and get the kitty off the road.  But then again the last time I did that it really wasn't pretty and it had an affect on me for quite some time.

This one was mangled. Really mangled.  I wasn't even sure was a cat, but the rear foot sticking up definitely said cat to me.  It was a healthy looking tuxie.  Looked like there was a beauty spot on his white sock too..That foot is going to haunt me for quite some time.  I know people actually enjoy running over dead animals, so as soon as I got to work I contacted the city and hope they are able to get that kitty off the road before he ends up.... well lets just not go there.  I feel horrible for the owners too.  I probably shouldn't, they most likely knew this was a very real possibility. But.. a loss is a loss even if you know it is coming.

Just as I knew it was a real possibility when I lived way too close to the highway for my tastes.. There was an animal fence between us and the road, and I like to think that Tig never bothered to cross the fence but I knew he could.  We adopted him from the shelter when I was first married.  He had been abandoned outside and once he came to live with us, he would beg and beg and beg to be let out.. but once we shut the door he would beg and beg and beg to be let back in. (sigh, even now after all these years as I type that I can see him and feel his emotion at NEEDING to be outside)  He wanted to be out but have the door open.  It was November, that wasn't going to happen... so I spent several afternoons with him outside letting him get used to the fact that I was going to continue to let him back in.  We then moved to another apartment that was on a busy street in town.  Fortunately there were some over grown areas behind the house and he spent his time in there when we let him out.  It was kind of cool in the fact we lived on the second floor and had to go downstairs to let him in or out, but he learned that he could climb the tree on the side of the garage, walk over the garage across the roof and smack on our living room window to be let in or out.  He earned the nickname SuperKitty there, because of this ability and his love of sitting above the window and jumping down so he looked like he was flying.  Tig then moved with us to another apartment in the not so nice part of a different town, fortunately no major roads, and the now street smart boy was able to hold his own. We moved in with the in-laws out in the sticks for a while and my boy brought me home mice and moles.. When we got on our own feet we moved into a house we rented for a while.  Our home was the high ground of the neighborhood and our boy felt the need to defend it quite vigorously.  Many a trip to the vet for abscesses ensued.  We then moved into our first home out in a safe neighborhood and on a quite road... yet one day shortly there after our boy did not come home.  He was five years old.

From then all of our kitties have been indoor only.  The weeks and months spent waiting for him were killer.  Harder then putting any of my cats down - at least to me.  Even trying to convince myself he found another home because he and Em never really did get along didn't work.

I was lucky, Em transitioned very easily to being an indoor only cat.  Keeping Tig indoors would have been very difficult physically and emotionally (for both of us) and except for a few months while Em was dying, none of my cats have shown an interest in being outside.

I know some people believe being an indoor only cat is cruel, but I would love to show those people that kitty that I saw today (or any of the others), and ask them which is crueler..

A cat on the side of the road

went to the movies tonight. on the ride home I saw something lying on the side of the road that very much looked like a cat. I tried to convince myself it wasn't. It reminded me of the time the hubby and I were traveling through NH, and we rounded a corner of a three lane road, and saw a cat in the middle of the road. I made him stop, turn around, and go back so I could pull it out of the middle of the road. It was beyond dead, but I couldn't stand the thought of leaving it there so some idiot could see it there, and aim for it cause he would think it would be cool (yes.. there are people who do that) I felt unbelievably foolish doing it, but Im sure the owners of the cat would be grateful if they knew. and yes.. I cried the whole time..

Also reminded me of the statistic that an outdoor cat has an average lifespan of about two years. Someone once said that their outdoor cat lived till 20. I wanted to jump up and down and tell them how lucky they were that he did. its not an AVERAGE life span for nothing. I lost my first cat Tigger at age 8. As much as I tried to make that boy an indoor only cat, he wasn't having anything to do with that. He was on the feral side of life when we adopted him from the local humane society. I had a devil of a time taking care of him and patting him because he had a very hard time trusting people. The one thing I had going for me was when you patted his chin he'd go catatonic with happiness. :) as time passed, he'd get closer and closer to us. He loved playing games like chase the stick and tag. (yes.. he actually played tag) He used to sleep under the covers in the small of my back. That kitty had personality to spare. Sadly he just didn't come home one day. It was a few months after we moved into the house we built out in the middle of nowhere. He had lived his whole live "in the city" (not much here in maine you can call a real city.. but his biggest problems were cars and dogs). Guess the wildlife out here was just too much for him.

My sister recently lost her outdoor cat as well. He too didn't come home one day.

Yes. an indoor only cat is more work. There is litter, and toys, and cat trees, and stuff.. but the trade off of the increase of the average life span from 2 years to 22 years is so worth it.

well that is if your a crazy cat lady like me :)

Kodi is hanging in there

well things are pretty much status quo over here.. Kodi is getting more vocal when he gets lonely. It's getting harder and harder to visit him as I am doing laundry all the freakin time.. so now I'm trying to change into the clothes I wore in last time to see him (cause he is contagious (update 20015- no, he wasn't but I was told he was), and I wouldn't want to bring the germs out to the others) so now I feel I have to change to go in and see him.. Its just hard. Which of course means I spend more time in there when I go in to visit.. which sometimes is a good thing, some times he just wants me to get off of his couch so he can sleep. Last night we took a nap together.. it was SOOO sweet. I'm thinking I need to talk to the shelter about finding him a new home. *sigh* I am so going to miss him.

Everyone else is doing really well. Eli is starting to act like ollie a little too much *rolls eyes* The fun story of the day today is the bath. My hubby decided to take a bath (he's sick and didn't want to stand up for a shower) They were absolutely enthralled.. Kept standing up and putting their paws on the side of the tub to see what he was doing. at one point he had three kitties standing there looking at him. The first kitty I owned, Tig,  used to like to get up on the tub and stand on my knees when I took a bath. He didn't like water much, but I guess he figured if I was there, he was going to be too. Which is a little odd as he wasn't what you would call a people kitty. I miss him. He used to sleep in the small of my back (under the covers) and if you were quick enough to hold him and rub his chin, he'd sit there for hours.. he also loved to chase sticks.. small victories were turning into bigger ones when he disappeared. We had to let him be an outdoor kitty, as he spent most of his life outside before we found him at the shelter. One day he didn't come home. He was still quite healthy, and quite young. He just picked the wrong fight apparently.

An indoor kitty is a happy kitty. they do NOT need to go outside.. trust me on this one. (well unless of course they have spent most of their life outside.. then they climb your curtains and howl at you till you let them out)