The post about Jack

What can I say about my boy. Jack came to me in a litter of four kittens in 2002, and it was the third litter I fostered. One of the four got very ill and was put down rather soon after I brought them home. I think back then they had so many kittens coming at them all at once they just took four that were of the same general age and put them all together. I don't know that, but looking back it seems very possible.

Because of the early loss, I feel in love with them rather quickly and rather deeply, but wee baby boy Jack (known then as Houdini and for good reason) quickly stole my heart, right out through my ear lobe. That boy was OBSESSED over nursing on my ear lobe. I still ache to this day that he outgrew that. I know it isn't all that acceptable, but it was so endearing.

I had made my husband a promise when I started fostering that I wouldn't keep any of the kittens I fostered (feel free to laugh at both of us) but when Jack came along I was totally distraught at the prospect of sending him back. I had two cats at the time, Em and Ollie, and we really were foolish to bring another cat into the house full time, but the heart wants what the heart wants. I was home crying that night after returning them, and my husband pretty much said if you are going to cry over him, you might as well go get him. I FLEW down to the shelter the next morning and snatched him right up.

I was unemployed at the time, and as a result where ever I went that I could bring him, I brought Jack with me. He learned to love riding in the car, and he loved his harness, because it meant spending time with me. He would often go and sit by the door and ask that we go somewhere together, and I could never resist him. Sometimes we would go to the local ice cream shop and get him an ice cream. Weren't we a spectacle, how often do you see a cat getting an ice cream?!? Once I got a job, I wasn't able to take him out as much, and he lost some of the confidence he had in new places, but he still doesn't mind riding in the car and he still overflows with confidence in the house and constantly asks anyone who shows up if they might have a smackerel or two of honey treat for a roly poly kitteh.. (he is not fat, he's fluffy, and he has a big dulap)

A few years ago I was watching a TV show about different breeds of cats, and on that program the highlighted the Nebelung. I was looking at cats that looked exactly like Jack. Every Nebelung I have seen looks amazingly similar, and they all have that wonderful outgoing friendly personalities. I have since started calling Jack a Nebelung, and part of me wonders if I will avoid adopting any others once he passes, or if I am going to form a Nebelung rescue and have 100 of them.

Jack has had way too many health scares for my liking. First was he was exposed to FeLV and ended up testing positive back when I used to let my resident cats mingle with my fosters. He tested positive twice over six weeks apart and I then started supplementing him on Vitamin C.  A year or so later he ended up testing negative.  When he was a young cat, he ended up being blocked after developing urinary crystals. I had one cat who was diabetic, and Eli had also recently blocked, and I was determined to make sure everyone else was healthy, so I bought them 'premium' dry food. It had all the right key buzz words, and it felt like I was doing the right thing for him and my other cats (the word truthiness pops to mind at this point) Well he blocked, and then he blocked again and I was told he had a very narrow urethra. After his second blockage is when I started my crusade to figure out what I could do, and when I learned how snowed over the general population is when it comes to feline nutrition. Unfortunately Jack is a wee bit (OK fine, a lot) food obsessed, and he is willing to eat just about anything he can get his paws on... and sometimes he bypasses his paws and goes right for the gobble.

Since becoming blocked as a young mancat, he has blocked a few other times, mostly when I am not careful and he gets into too many treats with plant based ingredients (which are currently banned from the house) or I don't put the dry food I bring home for the kittens away fast enough and he chews through the bag and eats till he gets sick. The most recent time he blocked was when I was visiting Amy and Lisa, and I was absolutely beside myself.

And I think we have a reason for that.

Due to my not being comfortable going back to my original vet, I have been shopping Jack around for the past few months / years with his urinary issue. I now have a list a mile long of vets I will not go to *sigh* and I had been attempting to help him myself and doing a very poor job of it. I finally broke down and tried 'one more' vet. There were a few that I was considering, most were more than 30 minutes away from my home. While Jack doesn't mind the car, most of my other cats do. A new clinic opened recently just a few hundred feet away from where my original vet (who took care of the cat I grew up with) and by a vet who used to work with a woman I used to work with who said (back then anyway) that he was very nice. So when Jack peed on the floor one too many times that week, I called them and asked to be seen. They squeezed me in - since it was a urinary issue in a male cat.  He tested normal once again - no obvious reason why he was peeing, and I suggested we do blood work to look at liver and kidney values - because I still believe and I always will that those treats I gave him harmed him - and the vet suggested we run a comprehensive panel - aka old kitty blood work.  Since cats are considered old at 8, and he is 12, I thought it a good idea.

Well his thyroid level came back at 5.4 (out of a 0.8 - 4.9 range) so we started him on thyroid medication. Originally we started him out at 2.5mg BID and in two weeks he tested at 0.8.  The 'other' vet at the clinic that called with the results said he was 'right where we wanted him to be' and I asked three different ways if I shouldn't be worried about him going too low, because we were told to test in 2-3 weeks so I assumed it hadn't fully settled yet, and each way I formed the question her answer was 'he is right in that range' and I was none too happy, especially since she completely avoided my concerns, and about ready to find a new vet, but I had scheduled an appointment with Muffin (perfect), Eli (perfect) and Fleurp (still dealing with anemia), and I decided to keep it and ended up having a nice discussion with the vet I had intended to have treat my cats anyway.

So truth be told, he should be around '2.something' not 0.8  After consulting on the yahoo thyroid board and reading more on thyroid, I took a day off of giving him the pills and lowered his dose to 1.25 BID. Since he really wasn't showing signs of being hyperthyroid other than the peeing (which oddly enough is actually a symptom - hence my 'unnecessary vet visit' post from Monday) it is very hard to tell if he is doing better with this new dose or not. The vet I intend to have as my primary vet agrees with my decision.  I am not overly pleased with this vet, but he is someone I can work with, and that is very valuable to me.

I am currently in the process of working up the courage to contact yet another vet to discuss doing the I-131 radioactive iodine treatment.  I am way too introverted and way too phone phobic to enjoy doing this, but I will get it done for my boy. Part of me, a very large part, wants to put off treatment until the end of October when I am going to be out of town at BarkWorld so I don't have to stress over him being stressed over my being gone, but we will have the discussion sooner than that and see what they think is best.

#howIwakeup is a regular feature on my instagram account

I do not know what the future will bring for my boy, but I do know that he will lay on my pillow each morning he can and lick my nose, because that is now his thing.. (I still wish it was my earlobe)

Paw Prints in the Moonlight

As I mentioned, back in August I was asked to review two books.  I said yes, and they arrived, the first being A Street Cat Named Bob by James Bowen.

The copy I got.

The second was called "Paw Tracks in the Moonlight by Denis O'Connor".  I wanted to read it, and I kept trying and trying to read it, but I had the worst time getting into it.  The best reason I can describe it might be when you are introduced to someone you are told you will really like but you find you come from two entirely different worlds and you just can't find that common ground to get started on.

The book starts with the death of a mother cat and one of her kittens.  That was so hard for me to get past.  I just knew the story would get better, but with hard luck foster kittens in my basement, I just couldn't keep reading to get to that point.

I can't tell you how many times I picked it up only to put it down.  I felt bad about it and kept trying.  Finally earlier this month I told myself to just keep reading.. and I'm so glad I did.

While I do not agree with Denis on many aspects of raising Toby Jug, I can not fault him as he raised a wonderful kitty who had a long happy life.  It was an excellent reminder to me that while I feel I am caring for my cats in the best possible way I can, it does not mean that people who choose differently are wrong.  It is something I need to be reminded of from time to time in my quest to remain nonjudgmental of and open to others.

Toby Jug was a very remarkable cat, and I really did enjoy getting to know him.  I am so glad Denis decided to write his story to share him with the world.  The story is the first year of Toby Jug's life and it was so much fun to "watch" him grow up.  The final chapter is the end of Toby Jug's life.  I knew it was coming, and I prepared for it by making sure I had tissues and I didn't need to be in public for the next hour or so.. and yes, I cried and cried.. It didn't help that Toby Jug had a similar physical description to my Ollie nor passed rather similarly to my Em.  My heart just ached for Denis... and for myself.

This book is once again from "across the pond" so the English references are peppered through out.  Being so, they retooled it for the US market including a new title and new book cover.

Paw Prints in the Moonlight:
The Heartwarming True Story of One Man and his Cat

From the publisher:

PAW PRINTS IN THE MOONLIGHT by Denis O’Connor is the survival story of Toby Jug, a rescued kitten who forms an extraordinary bond with his new owner. O’Connor’s tale chronicles the pair’s quirky adventures, from Toby Jug’s mischievous antics to the life-changing summer camping trip that cements their friendship.

Praise for Paw Prints in the Moonlight:

"Touching... Both a wonderful cat story and a portrait of rural England that will satisfy everyone who is or was a fan of All Creatures Great and Small. His charming book belongs on every cat lover's reading list."

--Margaret and Michael Korda, authors of Cat People

“If you’ve ever had a deep bond with a cat, you must read this book. If you’ve never had a deep bond with a cat, you must read this book. Heartwarming.”

--Carole Nelson Douglas, author of Cat in a White Tie and Tails 

I was sent a free copy of the book, but it in no way influenced my review nor this post.  I did pass the book on to someone I hope will read it and appreciate it.

Ezra & Ollie

This is Ezra

When I first put hands on Ezra, I couldn't get over how much he reminded me of Ollie.

This is Ollie

My husband finally met Ezra this weekend and he too commented on how much Ezra reminded him of Ollie. Ollie was an incredibly grumpy cat, but he was a very outgoing friendly kitten (puberty hit him hard as we didn't neuter him till 6 months per the vet's recommendation - which is yet another reason why I believe in pediatric neutering)

Ezra is all tense like adult Ollie was.  He's got a black spot on his white toes like Ollie had.  Ezra has a white belly unlike Ollie though.  He's also got a bit of white on his lip like Ollie, but he is missing the 'dribble' down the neck to his white bib that Ollie had.

So there are some distinct differences.  But after my husband mentioned the similarity I couldn't help but think about Ollie 'coming back'

Many people believe their beloved pets come back to them again.  I find that to be a very interesting idea, and I do like the idea of us getting to work at different issues until we get them right, but I can't really get my brain around it.  But then there is a lot I can't get my brain around, and I'm OK with that.

So lets just go with this is a possibility.  I know we all come at this from different religious and philosophical perspectives.. This isn't intended to be a study, just an explanation as to why I was walking around the house holding a kitten and got lightly leaky eyes last night.

So most of me KNOWS this is NOT Ollie.  But part of me couldn't help but play with the possibility that it was an option.  Wouldn't it be fun if, wouldn't it be cool if sort of thinking.  Ezra was having some trust issues so I was walking him around the house holding him close.  I decided to show him to some of the resident kitties.  I am guessing The Crew has come to accept this is part of life now as they no longer hiss when I show them kittens; they get to look and whiff but not touch.    Ezra had more then enough after the third kitty and started hissing when I would introduce them...

which led me back to the whole reincarnation thing.  If this WAS Ollie, how confused and ticked off he would be to be so much smaller then his family.  I could just picture Ollie the kitten trying to take over his old place in The Crew and trying to be Alpha again - and trying to jump up on top of the fridge again.  If it was Ollie would The Crew recognize him and give the kitten Ollie's respect or would they put him in his place for being the youngest and the newest..

and yes, at some point my head exploded from the logic paradox.

It was a fun little mental exercise to play 'what ifs'  and I thought you might enjoy the mental image of Big Ol Grumpy Alpha Ollie coming back as a kitten.

That Time of Year

It is once again that most wonderful time of the year when we decorate the house with the joy of the season.

Are you kitties ready to decorate the tree?

this one?

No you silly kitties.. not that one.

Don't mess too much with this one, we like this one

No no, not that one.. this one..

Hey, we remember that thing.

Yup.  Time to decorate the tree.  I had to take a few minutes to remember Ollie.  He LOVED the tree so much.  He loved the real trees we used to have, and he didn't seem to mind when we got the artificial one a few years ago.  Each kitty has their "thing" and Ollie's was the Christmas tree.  I think the kitties took some time to remember him too, because each one spent some time sitting under the tree like he used to both pre and post decoration... but maybe he just wouldn't really let them before and now they could?  *shrug* 

Um, Mom, what are you doing with our toys?

OMC... Dad is so cool!!

TOYS!!!

I want this one. No I want this one..

MINE!

OK Muffin, you sit on those and we'll just take this time to put our silly reindeer hat on ALL the kitties.. You included..

Kit is used to clothing..

She knows just how to pose

Jack however was just so excited he wouldn't sit still

 

After a little distraction with the hat, Muff vacated the toys and we were able to decorate. Jack was so excited, he cooed and squeaked and rolled around on the cat tree the entire time. When I was growing up, I have fond memories of decorating the tree with home made ornaments and ornaments that resembled toys.  I loved playing with them, but I remember not really being allowed to.  Once I got out on my own, I bought ornaments I liked, but they are a lot of work to unpack and pack, and then I have to worry about the cats wanting to play with them and possibly damaging them.  Since the  cats are in the house 24/7 it only seemed fair to bring their wants and needs into our holiday decorating.  and along that line, that giant pile of toys turned into this..

And the tree turned into this

the blue toy was Twee's first toy - a gift from someone who met her, the cheezburger should be self explainatory

I enjoy sitting in that chair and reading

Looks like Fleurp is about to cause the first casualty

Why yes, yes she is

Whatcha going after Fleurp?

Jack's Fishie is the first to hit the floor

and so it begins (and that is OK)

this photo makes me laugh

And to make the night extra special the kitties got some canned food.  DH picked up something because he wasn't listening to me and it was not something I would approve of, but I figured one meal of "junk" food wouldn't kill them and they would love it, and they so did.  We feed off two communal plates and the "alphas" eat out in the kitchen and the "betas" eat in the laundry area.  (that's because the kitchen plate goes down first)  Apparently the lure of the food was stronger then the hierarchy in the household

Except for Twee and Skippy

The next morning.. notice there are toys above the height of a standing cat

It makes me smile because it is so unique, and it makes me laugh, because they enjoy it so.  After I took these last photos I tried to put the ornaments back on the tree.  Fleurp was right there having fun knocking them off again..   Now, to find their stockings and hang them on the railing with care (cause there are just too many to fit on the fake fireplace mantel we have)

A dream of Ollie

The dream itself was long and complicated and you don't need to hear any of it to hear of Ollie's visit.  I was checking out a noise I heard in a closet when I saw a flash of something leaving and went to investigate it.  I left the room I was in and saw him laying on the ground almost proud of himself.  I was so happy to see him and gave him lots of attention, and I got a lot of "Ollie Attitude" back from him which made me smile.

It was just a brief encounter as I woke up out of it, but it was nice to wake up with a smile on my face.

Although I couldn't help but wonder why my kitties don't visit me together.  I haven't heard from Tig in ages, nor Em for quite some time now.  I've never heard from Kodi which just makes me sad.  I guess the longer they are gone the more they lose track of time and are distracted by doing kitty things..

another odd dream

I didn't weigh the kits last night, so no update on them other then they seem to be doing well.

I had an odd little dream last night.  I was in the house I lived in previous to this (5 years ago) and there was "family" there.  Awake I didn't recognize anyone, but I knew them to be family.  There was a little girl there.  She was just learning to walk I think, and at one point she fell down and went pee all over the floor.  I rushed to get her up before she got up and stepped in it and walked all over the house with it (something I do with kittens when they walk in things).  Instead of turning around and using the sink that should have been behind me, I walked her down the hall.  Apparently in my dream my kitchen sink wasn't in the kitchen.  As I walked, I saw Ollie curled up in a ball sleeping.  I remembered thinking how odd that it was he was there (and it would have been if the dream was real because Ollie was not one to hang out when we had company.  He hid so well no one including me could find him) I got to the sink and it was full of dishes and pots and pans.  I tried to hold on to her and turn the water on, but I was having a difficult time when my uncle (who recently passed) stood up and moved an oven rack and turned the water on for me.

Such an odd dream to have two recently passed loved ones show up.  Even odder the context of it.

Ollie - the Photo Book

Picaboo is giving away a free custom photo book and so I finally got to make one for Ollie.

If you would like to see it,  you can do so here

Eventually I want to make one for all of my kitties who have passed.  Unfortunately I don't think I have enough photos of Kodi, or Tig, but I definitely do of Em.  Have more of her then I do of Ollie.. but then again he was never a fan of the camera

You can get your own free photo book until 3/22
http://www.picaboo.com/promo/freecc

I've done several at SnapFish and love having an actual book instead of a photo album.  I can't wait to see this one printed out.  I ended up adding two extra pages, so it cost me $9.99 ($7.99 shipping and apparently $1.00 per page fee.. and a page is one side, to add one actual page is two pages)

Animal Communicator

The shelter held an animal communicator event today.  She came in and for $15 you could get a reading.  I thought it was for half an hour, but it was for 15 minutes.  I don't really care, I was mostly done.  I could have gone on and asked about Em, and given some of my other kitties a chance to say something, but I wanted to check in with Jack and see how he was doing since he had been spraying.

I brought him with me, with his harness in the basket carrier.  We used to travel quite a bit when he was younger, but he isn't as comfortable being out and about now.  He shook a little and while he ate the treats, he preferred to sit in the basket while we chatted.  So half way through I moved the basket so he could sit in it.  He was much more comfortable that way. 

From an outward perspective, he did not seem to be interested in the communication at all.  He barely looked at the woman.  He ate the treats, nosed around on me for a bit, then jumped down looking to get in the carrier.

from what I was told though, he was apparently rather chatty.

I've had several different readings, and most times the communicator doesn't much like "so what does he have to tell me"  They prefer it when there is a question to be asked and answered.... well at least that is when I get actual information.  When I ask what does he have to say, I generally get way too general answers.

One of the first things she said though, was he had what felt like post nasal drip.  she even made a noise that she said came from him because she feels what he feels when she connects.  Nasal drip doesn't make much sense to me because he hasn't had any nasal discharge, but he has had some throat issues since his surgery.  I mentioned that, and she went on that thought for a while, but came back to nasal drip.  

I asked about the spraying.  He hasn't done it since Ollie's passing, so I assumed it had to do with stress.  She said it had to do with his feeling like he had to "get something out"  She said it feels like there are crystals on the outside of his bladder walls and when they flake off they feel like snowflakes.  Since he has had several bouts with urinary crystals, I found that interesting.  I had his urine checked during his trip to the vet, and it came back ok (no crystals)   I mentioned again that it concerned me and she wanted to check in with him about not doing it.  She said he liked to do it on the tree.  Since I came with a cat in a harness she assumed I took him out.  I said no, he is completely indoors.  She said he is showing me a tree, which is when it dawned on me that this is the spot that he has been spraying.  You can see I put orange peels down on the heater, and that is where it is, but it is close enough to make me go.. duh!

She said he said he will scratch the tree when he is about to spray..  we'll see.

She said he liked to sit up on my shoulder when I hold him.  He felt that was regal.
She said that he liked the other harness better.  The "blue" one and she pointed to the light blue handles of the basket..  He said it matches him better.  Which was funny because I like the other harness we have as it is easier to put on, but it is a little easier to slip out of so I picked the new one.  The other harness is a light purple.

He prefers canned food in chunks .. ha ha ha.. not surprised.  She said he likes the food in the "purple can" no idea what that means.  He said he prefers the "mushy" treats over the dry ones.

I asked how the harmony in the house was.  She got the sense it was very quiet.  Which it is, no fosters, no fussing over Ollie, the house is very quiet.  She asked if there was anyone in the home, I said yes, six other cats, and she didn't get that sense.  Although a little bit later she said he doesn't like it when one of the other cats scrabble on the floor.. meaning when they try to run and can't get purchase because of the hardwood floors.  He apparently showed her the house and she said it was very nice, mentioning the large room and the archway

Jack talked about liking to be on his back and playing with something hanging.  I thought he meant the toys hanging off one of the cat trees, but the more she talked the more I think she meant this

I got this for Muffin a few years ago because she liked pom-poms.  Tweedle has been playing with it lately and it has been out and about.

I had her check in with Ollie.  I said I am assuming he is happy now, and he said oh yes, very happy.  He apparently showed up "with a dog" which she went on to describe.  I have no dogs in my life, so she was a little perplexed, but then either came up with, or Ollie told her that he just brought the dog for someone else because he was too stupid to find his way himself.  That to me is a very Ollie thing.    Was it?  That is one of those things to me that is too vague to be sure of.  Although.. she did mention the left side, and went right to the spot on her corresponding with the spot on him where his cancer was.  She said she saw an X over it which she thought was odd.  She also talked about his passing.  How Ollie was sorry he had to put me through it, but that he did get comfort in my being there.  She said she got the feeling I was able to give him some Reiki (energy) during his passing which he found comforting.

Then I had her check in with Skippy.  I am concerned about him because I still feel like he is fearful that he will be returned again.  He was returned by me to the shelter originally, adopted by someone and returned, then brought home by me to get healthy, and returned, and he got sick again came back went back, and after a week I couldn't deal with it so I adopted him.  I often get the feeling that he feels that one wrong move and he's being sent back, and I can't seem to get him over that.  She said he was unsure of things.  She said he was unsure of coming up on the bed sometimes - which is completely true.  She said he was unsure of how to play - which is not really true.  He plays with Fleurp a lot, and often tries to play with others, which may lead to his being unsure because they don't much like his version of play.  She also said he had some pain on his left side, but different from what she felt with Jack and Ollie (both of which had their issues on the left side) I have NO idea what this refers to.  He also said he would like to have his dinner on a blue plate.  We feed on two large dinner plates.  We used to give Ollie a separate plate, so maybe he's wishing he got special treatment.. but heck, I have a blue plate, and if that helps him feel comfortable here, then a blue plate it is.  She said he would like to snuggle nose to nose with me (and a dry nose), and then I'll know he's comfortable

I told her about Kit, and her love for my husband, and she said, yes, she does LOVE my husband, and specifically his chest. She would like it if he were to go bare chested.. which I had to giggle at because my husband is not a bare chest kind of guy, and I'm sure he'd be too fearful of her claws to actually do it.

I had her connect to Twee, because the other animal communicators have always found her interesting.  She got the feeling that she was making a rrr rrr sound, or thought, or feeling.. Kind of like a motor that won't fully start, which is interesting since she is such a special kitty.  The other said she talked like a young kitten even though she was several years old. 

There was a lot more this time that was concrete and solid.  There was quite a bit I didn't understand or didn't make sense.  That is the unfortunate side of animal communicators.  Is it because they are scams or because the pets aren't all that great at getting out what needs to be said in a way we can understand it. There was enough on this reading that I don't feel it was a scam, and I will be happy to contact her again if I feel the need to connect to my crew a little more directly.

My first dream of Ollie

It was an incredibly bizarre dream. I am not going to write about it other then the Ollie part. I was in the middle of something when I realized he was near and so I stopped and went to him. I was still fearful of picking him up - because I did not want to cause him discomfort - so I was very careful and ended up picking him up and holding him close. He felt very light and almost like a stuffed rag doll of a cat. I put him down after a very short amount of time, and the dream went on.

I was a little surprised he was in a weakened state in my dream. When I dreamed of Emmy, she was her full vibrant self again.

But then again, I was always uncomfortable picking up Ollie as he was NOT a cat to be held. He would stiffen up each time and make it very difficult - legs out, back stiff. Maybe this was his way of letting me know that the tension was gone.

I still miss him. Every time I think of him, it feels like he is just in the other room. Quite often I've seen Tweedle and thought it was him.

Ollie and the decision

After his trip through the house, and the treats, he went back to his make shift bed. It saddened me that it wasn't under the tree, but I was also glad for it, so I could pat him and kiss him - well as much as I could with out ticking him off.  He never really was one for liking attention thrust upon him.

I wanted to pick him up and snuggle him close, I wanted to coo in his ear and tell him it was ok.  But again Ollie wasn't that kind of cat.  Snuggling was not his thing, coo-ing? right out.  and the cancer made him very uncomfortable so I hated the idea of picking him up.  I contented myself with sitting near him and kissing his head.

later that evening, I got out the "kitty crack" I always thought that Temptations were the end all and be all of if a cat was going to eat. No matter how lousy my kitties feel they often will eat Temptations.  Ollie was very interested in them, and ate maybe a dozen, but then stopped.  He crawled back into his blankets and was breathing very hard.  This concerned me greatly.

I went to bed Saturday night, but awoke in the middle of the night.  I climbed out of my warm bed and went to see him.  He seemed interested in seeing me.  I got out the temptations, he did not want any.  I made the decision in the middle of the cold night to not wait.  I hung out with him for a while more, until it seemed I was no longer needed and I went to bed.

In the morning I tried with food again.  He had just a few bites of the baby food, and no temptations.  that clinched it.  it was time.  I called the shelter and they were OK with my coming right down.  They were very kind, and while I found it interesting that the only cat I owned who didn't come from the shelter was going to have his life ended there.

We brought him in the laundry basket he spent Thursday in.  We put in the towels he had been sleeping on and the bathrobe I used a lot that I had snuggled him into when he was in the blankets.  I had to pick him up, and I hated that, because I knew I had to cause him some discomfort, but once I put him down, he settled.  He didn't try to reposition himself, he just accepted it.  I picked up the basket and headed for the door.  Once we hit the outside, he liked the smell, and perked up and looked like he might want to get out, well I knew that couldn't end well, so I patted him to calm him, and he laid back down.  He occasionally looked around during the trip, but for the most part just laid there.  Back outside moving from the truck to the shelter, he lifted his head, and I waited a few minutes to let him enjoy being outside - something he did like as long as he was safe.  (occasionally he snuck out on his own and he was uncomfortable once he realized he was on his own)

The women who helped me were very kind.  His blood pressure was very low, so it wasn't as easy as I would have liked. He growled a bit at them when they tried to find a vein, which I found to be so typically Ollie.  if he hadn't growled, I would have known he was too far gone.

Once the injection was given, he had a "death rattle"  the woman explained that when a cat is really ill they become very tight and with death they relax.  I smiled because Ollie was always wound very tightly, even as a healthy young man.  Picking him up you could feel how tense he was all the time.  His passing was "very Ollie" which brought me some comfort.

I miss him terribly.  I am glad I do not have the guilt that I felt with Em.  Emmy did not want to leave.  Ollie was ready.   Em was VERY dependent on me, Ollie was VERY independent.  His passing, while feeling like the right thing, is still very hard.  I find myself "leaking" (tears falling down my face) at random moments (and this one) when I think about the oddest things.

I came home and sat with Tinsel and Peter for a while.  Both were very snuggly (Tinsel is amazingly snuggly, he LOVES being held much as you would snuggle a teddy bear) and I ended up watching the final "Dead Like ME'.  

For those who have followed this blog for a while know that I watched the first season final episode when Bri passed.  It was interesting that they had a rabbit death in that episode.  I found it highly comforting - in it's own bizare way. Well in this episode (the wrap up movie) Murray died.  Murry being a cat.  Owned and loved by a supporting charater on the show.  He was dealing with kidney issues since the previously mentioned episode, and  now "five years later" he was in decline.  His owner took off time from work to be with him, and when he passed, they had a service for him.  The euolgy was very touching, and again comforting in its own way.  I tried to find a transcript of it online but couldn't so I did my best to get it right.

my dear sweet Murray,
though you've slipped through deaths slim door
i declare you were not just a cat
you were so much more
you were my companion
my pal
my friend
you were there with me loving me
until the end
dear one always patient never mean
you were the best little kitty we'd ever seen
eyes of amber
silver whiskers oh so tickley
that rough little tongue and the way you licked me
time is fleeting, a life passes so quickly
comforting me in my dark hours,
you were always remind me  stop to smell the flowers
when we meet across that great divide
we'll run and play and we'll abide
in cool pastures
your loud purr will welcome me where we'll laugh
and cuddle
and forever be free



I'm sure in time I will feel OK with what transpired. But right now I miss him too much

And he's gone

I'm not ready for the story, I'll post that later.  Just wanted to update that he continued down hill, so we took him and helped him on.

it is with some awe that I realize that this photo - the last one I took of him on my iPod Touch, is image #333 (3 being a recurring number in my life)