Friday, June 29, 2007

I love Cheezburger

It makes me giggle.

Em is doing good, and bad at the same time. Its bizzare. The good - she's eating like a horse, interested, bright eyed, and purring when getting love. the bad is that eye is HORRIBLE!! the tears aren't flowing back in, so they spill out all over her face. the goop is covering her eye, and flowing to the outside, making the whole thing look horrid. She is contstantly trying to clean it with her paw, which is also getting covered.

She didn't mind her paw getting cleaned, but she hates it when I wash her face. I think it hurts. Warm water is easiest, but I think that hurts more, as I tried luke warm water and she was easier to handle. I put her eye drops in the fridge, and she didn't hate that.. *shrug* Hopefully the antibiotics will help her.. she got her third dose this morning. Will have to give her some more fluids soon..

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I do have happy kitten news

I promise, but unfortunately this isn't it. I have cute photos at home, and I'll post them soon, I promise.

This post is about Em again. I think this is more for me to have a record of things that are happening with her, that and it helps to write it down so it doesn't fester as much in the back of my mind.

This morning was interesting.. she was up exploring the house. She still insists on going down into the basement on a regular basis. she doesn't stay down there long, so I think she's just using the litter box and coming back up. why?? there is a litter box in her bathroom now.. but what ever. I'm sure the stairs are doing her good.. exercise and all. She was bright and alert, and not at all interested in getting her blood sugars tested. She sat there for me, but I could tell all she wanted was the treats that come afterwards. I also gave her the rest of the bag of fluids we were working on. She sat nicely for me for that.. but we were cuddled up on the bed, so that might have had something to do with it.

The negative... her eye was full of goop. A thick opaque substance. I think her eye lining, the conjunctiva, is a little swollen too. I gave her another drop of the eye drops the vet prescribed, despite having just given them to her yesterday. I fear they cause episodes in her, but I couldn't let her eye look like that. I put a warm compress on it and by the time the fluids were in her, her eye was much better.

I get the distinct feeling from her that the end is weeks away.. she is so not ready to go. I'm tempted to talk to Dawn again (the animal communicator) and see if she gets that same impression. Its just hard when she fights me every time I try to clean up her face or open up her nose from where the drainage blocked it..

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Em is still in the game!

this past weekend wasn't easy on us. She was so tired most of the time, and weezing, that I was sure I'd be making that call. We also ran out of pred, so I was faced with which phone call I would make. I found Em on Sunday laying on her feather bed, her rear legs were covered with urine. her pee pads were empty, and I was so very concerned that she was losing control over things.

I decided that if she was covered again on Monday I would make THE call instead of refilling the meds..

Well it turns out that Em has decided to use the litter box again, and she stands right up on the side of the box, so that it splashes back on her.

but why on earth is Em concerned about using the litter box?? she hasn't used one in years.

so anyway.. I called the vet about refilling her pred. Dh was going to pick it up yesterday, but didn't make it before the offices closed. I had called them right before they closed and didn't get through and left a message asking them to leave it outside, well DH didn't find it.. we later found out it was still there, so we went on a car ride to pick it up.

we had "the conversation" about setting the time to do it. He doesn't feel comfortable schedualing death. I can't blame him, neither do I, but it will need to be done. He's no longer able to dismiss her symptoms. She's got mini tremmors or muscle contractions going on. Its VERY subtle.. she's much more reluctant to walk, sleeps a LOT, eats sporatically although she still eats well but her weight is back down to 9lbs. I concidered calling and trying to set something up for this Wednesday. knowing she isn't going to fight this off, it is such a fine line of when I'm keeping her around because she wants to be here, and when I'm keeping her around for me. I am so very not ready. I sobbed on and off while driving to the vet (to get the meds)

I decided if she was still overly tired tomorrow I'd make the call.

well we got home, and she was bright, and interested, and wanting to lick me. This morning the same thing - although she was covered in urine again. So I brought her into the kitchen and rinsed her off. She just let me, purring. I wrapped her up in a towel and brought her into the bedroom for medicine and BG testing. She was fine for a few minutes enjoying the attention, then she wanted to get out of the blanket, and stubbornly she fought me to get out. She stubbornly fought me Sunday night when I gave her fluids too. She hates getting fluids, but I know she likes having them on board :)

So I can't help but wonder if she's not trying to use the litter box to try to tell me she still wants to be around. I still see that spark, that interest in being around. I can't take that from her.

I recently read a poem that someone wrote regarding the rainbow bridge, and the joy the cats have there, running around, chasing mice or butterflys, and generally being active. I giggled. Em has never been one to run around... ever. She - like her mom - has always been one to choose the bed over being active. I can only picture her finding a nice bush to sit under with some comfy underbrush and taking a nice nap.

Ok, enough dwelling. can't cry yet.. she is very much still in this game.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Em update

well Emerald was doing so well recently that I cut back on her pred. I must not ever do that again.. it knocked her back, and she had a blow out bleed. It was so bizarre though, because it was all over her food bowl, but no where else.

she also is not a fan of getting fluids, but she likes having them on board. They help her out a lot.

She's hanging in there, enjoying treats, and attention. however I fear the end is just around the corner. She's been very slow to stand recently.. she is still jumping straight up on to the bed (which is higher than your average bed). I made stairs for her which she uses a lot, but often she's been jumping straight up which is good..

I am currently at work, and I just want to run home and give her kisses..


I have been putting off journalling about the kittens because things have not been going well. Oscar and Cinnamon are not eating on their own yet. I keep trying - putting food in their mouths, which they like, but they just are unable to make the connection that food in a plate is food. Oscar is certain that food comes from the sky. when ever he is hungry, he points his nose up in the air and screams.

and I am 99% certain I made a mistake.. Cinnamon is not a boy.. but is a girl. Its so hard to be certain. There seems to be fur between the two openings, but s/he won't let me get a good look... and while there is fur, there are no testicles. So either s/he is a crypto (meaning the testies still haven't decended) or s/he is a girl. Good thing it doesn't matter much with the name.

Jupe has told me that he would much prefer to be called Tommy. He is ALL BOY.. it is a riot.

the stools are still quite soft. One of the mothers produced blood with her stool yesterday. this morning we had kitten vomit, and we have mustard yellow and also very pale colored stool and very dirty kitten tushies. this is not good. Dont quite know what to do about it. Do I let it go on and hope it clears up, or do I fight the shelter to get them some help..

They are also all very human dependant. They are starting to learn to play, so when I go in there, they all crawl up on my lap, then start wrestling with one another. its freakingly adorable!! Tilly very much wants to live with me. I think she wants a new name too, but isn't sure she wants to tell me that she doesn't like Tilly.

I put a couple more litter boxes down last night. the curse of having so many fosters is so much poop.. :)

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Kittens first bath

Well then.. lets see. The kittens are doing very well pooping on their own, unfortunately with free run of the entire room, they figure as long as they aren't pooping where they sleep or play, all is good. So I have had to resort to locking them in my cage for the time being. It is a two story cage, with two doors, so I have left the top door open for the moms to jump in and out. The kittens all used the box very well last night, then once they were out started going on the floor!! arrgh.

Noticed their, and the mom's, poop is VERY soft, so we did kitten's first dewormer tonight, and a booster for the moms.

So soft poop, and dewormer, led to very messy kittens, so I packed them all up and brought them upstairs for a quick bath. It was so cute. They stood around my feet the entire time. Buddy crawled up my leg, Tilly crawled up my leg, up my shirt and stood on my back! :)

They all did really well. Nina didn't like it the most.. or should I say liked it the least. Everyone else was like... oh hey.. I'm all wet. Oscar gave me those big puss'n boots eyes from Shrek.. it was very adorable.

Maybe it's mean of me, but I just LOVE giving baths to kittens.. the more I do it, the more the kitties seem to like water in the end. My first set of fosters were very messy and got lots of baths, my sister adopted one and tells me that their kitty is in the shower with them a lot :)

Everyone is doing well. Small little teeth that look like baby vampires :) they are all very human dependant too. When ever I'm in there I'm covered. I love it.

Em had a micro bleed tonight. I was trying to get her back down to 5mg of pred, I guess she really needs the 7.5, She seemed very tired tonight, but very interested in attention, and dinner.. Even went out for a few minutes..

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

As promised... Photos

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Nina, Jupe, Cinnamon, Ginger, Tilly
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Nina, Jupe, Oscar, Tilly
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Jupe Nina Cinnamon
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Miss Martha and Miss Molly
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Monday, June 11, 2007

kitten names

I need new pictures I know.. but I thought I'd share the names I picked out.
the buff colored boys are ginger and cinnamon
the fluffy boy is Jupe (as in jupiter but I am pretty sure I told you that one)
the fluffy girl was Mouse, but she seemed so regal for that, so I googled Mouse Queen and came up with Tilly
Nina for the little spit fire girl
Oscar for the solid black boy
and buddy for the tiger boy - but I always call him buuuuu-dy.. the way i think that it is adam sandler or one of those other comics does it.. he really likes it :D

Yet another Emmy update

Well lets see. Right after I posted in reply to the comment I got, I went and hung out with Em for a while. I was noticing she was still quite tired and morose. Its hard to call her lethargic, since there is such a fine line between who she's always been and lethargic :)

Each time she has a bleed, it takes a lot out of her, but she usually bounces back after 24 hours. Sunday I took her outside for a while. She went and sat in my garden for a little bit.. went to the warm pavement and took a small nap, then we went around to the side of the house and she smelled the lilac bushes (we moved them over there to get more sunlight) Em just sat there, in her "whatever" mode. I was getting eaten by bugs, so I gently picked her up and brought her in. She didn't struggle one bit. I got her in, laid her down on the ottoman where she's been spending a lot of time, and she didn't move.. just closed her eyes and was exhausted.

I was so certain I'd be calling Dr. Brion today.. certain of it. I was snapping at my husband, and doing my best not to break down.. We went to bed, and Em came and joined us in the middle of the bed - which I took as a good sign. We both tried to give her room, so she stretched out so she could touch both of us.

Sometime in the night she moved to the far side of me. When I woke up Em was glad to see me, licking me like she hasn't done in a while, and excited at the idea of breakfast.


so, we are still on the winding road to that day, but hopefully it is nice and far away..
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Saturday, June 9, 2007

In reply to the comment

I'm sorry I can't address you by name, as I want to thank you for your comment.

As this is text, I want to make sure you know that I honestly appreciate your comment. It helped. Going through Em's illness, I find I am forgetting all the advice I've ever learned about care of ill pets. When Em had her first nose bleed, I wanted to rush her in to the vet - even though he was closed. I called my friend - who owns six cats and who works for my vet - and she calmed me down and reminded me that as long as she has input and output it could probably wait. She's been a sanity saver on several other points as well.

I spent a year and a half working for a vet, and I have seen owners keep their pets around way longer than they should have. I am doing my best to make sure I don't do that. It is so hard on me because I feel bad keeping her around knowing that she's only going to get worse, and going to continue to suffer bad spells. But then I see her joy over going outside, or getting treats, and I see that spark of life and get the feeling she is not ready yet, and I think if I force her to leave too soon, I'd be doing that for me. It is such a fine line - one I agonize over every day. Hearing your story helps me keep things in perspective, and I do appreciate it.

Now that you have mentioned your story, I can see that the "thing" she was probably asking for was help with what she was suffering through. I couldn't do anything at the time but up her prenisolone and hope that helped. Breathing issues are so scary.. Fortunately after 2 doses, she cleared up nicely and is back to where she was. She's back to begging for treats and wanting to go outside. With the vet's very recent exam of her and stating she was doing very well, I think we have some time left, and it was the eye drops that caused this latest episode.

I take each episode very seriously, and I think if they start coming faster or lasting longer than a day, I'll need to schedule with Dr. Brion for her crossing. It is all paid for, and he's agreed to come out to the house..

I hope this doesn't come across as me trying to justify things.. but just a deeper explanation.. and a thank you for your comment.

And finally my deepest condolences for your loss. While you didn't get a proper goodbye, I am sure your kitty knew.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Bad Day for Em

Yesterday/last night/ this morning was NOT a good one for either Em or myself..

The trip to the vet went ok, and that night she was fine. Thursday morning she was a little off.. her nose was a bit bloodier than normal. I had been using the eye drops.. so maybe those, or maybe I forgot a dose of her prenisone, but what ever the reason, by Thursday night Em was having a hard time breathing, had blood coming out of both of her nostrils and was pretty miserable. Didn't want to eat, didn't want to cuddle, just wanted to lay there and wheeze / snore / cough / sneeze. I upped her dose of pred thursday night to 7.5 mg, and gave her an appetite stimulant, and some fluids, and some more antibiotics. All night she lay there with her nose pointed to the ceiling, swallowing hard and wheezing.

This morning she didn't seem any different. I gave her another 7.5 mg dose of pred, more appetite stimulant, and more antibiotics. I felt horrible pilling her as she was having a hard time breathing. I gave her the yummiest food I could for breakfast.. but she could barely eat it because she couldn't smell it and every time she leaned down to take a bite everything shifted and she'd end up coughing / sneezing. The coughing got so bad I was sure she was going to vomit..

Somehow I left for work. I left her locked in the bathroom so she would have access to her food and no one else would sneak in with her and eat it all up (Muffin) I hated leaving her locked up, even though she has a nice bed in there, and her pee pads and her food.. but she was fine. Came home and walked in on her using the pee pads.

Her breathing is much better.. but she's a little dazed. She wants something, but she doesn't quite know what it is - or maybe she does, and I just can't figure it out. She is a cat of little brain, and even smaller needs.. food, love, food, and now a walk outside have always made her a happy camper. Nothing worked..

The fluids last night brought her BGs down to 104 this morning. She wouldn't eat breakfast with out a good helping of dry food, so I tested her when I got home, and she was in the mid 300s.. so I gave her some insulin then. I wonder if I shouldn't be giving her fluids twice a day.. 1/2 in the AM and 1/2 in the PM to help flush things out.. *shrug* no idea. Em is being a huge mystery to me right now.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Quick Em update

She's now on 5mg of pred in the AM and 2.5 in the PM.. and I'm thinking I should do 5mg BID.. I don't want to, because it is absolutely admiting that things are getting worse.. But I just need to bite that bullet for her sake.

the puss is mostly gone from her nose, we are back to bloody drainage.. it is also making her eye water at this point.

I'm thinking she needs fluids on a regular basis, so I made an appointment for a recheck with the vet tomorrow morning

She's lost more weight, and is barely 9 pounds now..

I love her so much. It hurts when she doesn't want to lay on me for extended periods. She comes, she sits, she leaves. I don't know if sitting on me hurts, or if getting patted does.. but she leaves.

although this morning I woke up after sleeping on my side, and she was sitting on top of me.. I love that.

I love you Em..

There is trouble in this world, and it is at my house

Well that little girl kitten.. the one poised to take over the world.. has learned to use litter.. She is too freakin smart for her own good!!

last night all but one of them had gotten out of the nesting boxes they had been in. she had been getting out for a few days now, but at this point everyone wants out. They have had a taste of real food. Some are ready to snack on it, most aren't. They still want mom.. which is understandable, as they are still so freakingly young!!

but last night since they were out of their box, there was little kitten droppings around the room. This isn't a habit I want them to start. I found a shallow box, and filled it with a small amount of litter. One by one I put them in it, and she started eating it. She didn't like it and started pawing at her mouth. Why is it kittens want to eat litter long before they want to eat food? Anyway.. I cleared her mouth, but she and every one else was confused by the litter so I gathered up the kitten droppings around the room and put them in the box, figuring that would help them figure this out.

Usually they just get it. They see mom using the box, and they start. But they are too advanced and yet too small to see over the box, so they haven't made the connection. So I then took the little spitfire girl and started to rub her to make her go pee. Once she started, i put her in the box.

She didn't seem to make the connection.

this morning I went down to make sure all was ok. Those kits love to see me.. it is so sweet!! Oscar is in love with me.. is right on top of my foot, and begging for attention (or maybe food) Anyway, I had set the kits up on the floor with a blanket and secured the area so they were limited with in the room. Don't want to have to move couches at this point to find them :D. well they went to the edge of the pen, and were all screaming at me, when the spitfire girl climbed into the litter box and started digging. I thought she was just playing, but then she stopped and stood there, and I heard her peeing!!

You know your pretty sad when you get all excited about kitten pee.. but OMG it is soo freakingly cute to have barely four week old kittens using the litter box..
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