*head bang desk*

I swear one of these days I'm going to stop fostering. I love the challenge of taking care of neo-natal kittens, of sick kittens and kitties, I love watching them learn and grow, and teaching them about the world..

but the down side of dealing with the shelter sometimes really just causes me to go off the deep end.

It's mostly me. most reasonable people wouldn't have an issue with this (yes, I'm calling myself unreasonable - but hey at least I know it) but I care.. (ok I care too much)

I got a call yesterday about Benny. She's been vomiting. ooh.. big surprise. She was bored at my house and hyper grooming. she was brought over to the adoption center and stuck in a small little cage.. so I'm sure she was bored. while I was never officially asked, it very much sounded like they wanted me to take her back. I can't, as the room she was in is being used, and frankly she needs more than I can give her. Find her another foster home where she can interact with the people.. this is what she needs (short of finding her a home) Not to mention, if you are concerned about her blood sugars, YOU TEST HER!! um.. you have all the equiptment, and it isn't that hard.. I showed you how.. *sigh* I'm ranting. yes.. I know. I know testing is a new skill set, and I know it is intimidating for people who arent used to it..

*sigh*

then I tried to talk to them about Fleurp too. She's got puss in her ears and it has got to be running down the back of her throat because she swallows hard / makes vomiting motions sometimes. Her breathing is very hard. I don't believe it is a simple uri because she's active, eating, and shows no outward sign of illness (other than the heavy nasal breathing) I believe she's got a growth or something in her nasal passage or sinus cavety, and it is creating puss, and it is coming out her ears. Antibiotics helped the first time, and I believe they'll help her again this time (which is what they wanted me to do) but I do not believe it will remove the underlying cause of her issue. Once her round of antibiotics are done, it will come back. I want to be proactive. I want them to take her to someone who can look up her nose or in her ear and find out what is causing the puss.. but.. $$ is always an issue with a public (heck even a private) shelter, and antibiotics are cheap. specialists are expensive.

so all this stress (and the stress of dealing with sick kittens) caused me to have a pretty horrid dream last night (warning, it is horrid, so if you want to stop reading now that's ok) I had a large fish tank, and I bought three inch gold fish. I put them in the tank, keeping two out in a separate area. One of the two I kept separate wasn't doing well - a black and white fish - so I put it in the tank with the others. Soon afterwards the fish all started to die. the little black and white fish died near the pole for the water filtration system. I looked again, and the fish turned into a little black and white kitten (that looked like Happiness) with it's paws wrapped around the pole. I looked again, and the fish all turned into kittens. the one remaining fish/kitten was ok, but I was freaking out, and woke up before I did anything with it. I feared Happy had died over night, but she was ok. I guess I was just stressed that I wasn't getting my way with the shelter - which I need to learn to relax about. These kitties are not going to die because we do things the way the shelter wants and not the way I want. It really is ok.. *big deep breath* but I want them my way!!! rant rant rant

It helps to rant here.. sometiems I know I want the moon and it isn't available. and until I see that I'm asking for the moon.. I can't be that objective. I'll probably end up asking for the moon eventually, but I don't need to be there now.