*hangs head*

I am a bad kitty mommy today. I think I've been forgiven, but I'm still kind of ashamed.

Jack needs to get some medication every day. I can either force him to take it, or sneak it in a little meat snack. He prefers the meat snack - and frankly I do as well because he takes it willingly. I've never been a fan of forcing my cats to do anything. I can, and easily, but if there is another way I'll take it.

So Fleurp, never one to practice self restraint, needs to be distracted so Jack can eat his "treat". She will steal anything from anyone and not show a second of fear or remorse or anything. She wants, she gets, period. So she gets a little to distract her, then I give to anyone else standing around, then Jack gets his. Usually by the time Jack has his, Fleurp is done with hers, and is in everyone else's face, but I have time to grab her and hold her.

Today though, she wasn't cooperating with the distraction, and clawed me when I tried to offer her a second piece. i'm trying to teach her that she will get food if she is calmer about it, but she's just not into that. I try to show her that other kitties get food for being calm, but she just goes and steals theirs. I'm making some headway, but it is much like moving a beach with a teaspoon.

So today Jack took his treat and ran off with it. Fleurp ran right after him, so I pushed her gently away and guarded him while he tried to get the deli meat up off the floor. I need to remember they don't do well with bigger pieces of deli meat, because it takes them longer and pieces fall to the floor and getting flat meat up off the floor is harder. So I pushed Fleurp away and she immediately ran right back, and because my hands smell like meat, I got nipped.

Now it wasn't that hard, but it did shock me, and with out even thinking I cuffed her. Now she's been tapped before, and told "NO" but she's always gotten lots of warning before it happened. This time she just got hit. I could see the shock in her face, and she was immediately fearful of me, hiding behind a chair.

i felt horrible. I did it out of reaction, not out of malicious thought. It wasn't that hard of a smack, no damage was possible, but it was enough to shock her, and all I accomplished was to make her fear getting hit again. I am pretty sure at this age she just can't make the mental connection of why she got hit.

So I went and got another slice of turkey, and gave small pieces out until she could not resist, and I offered her piece after piece. I *think* she's either forgiven me or forgotten about it, but I won't know for certain till I get home tonight.

This is the second time I've lashed out at my kitties with out thinking. I did it years ago to Ollie when he smacked me on the face leaving marks. I felt absolutely horrible about that one too.

And people wonder why I don't have kids..