Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Ollie is at the vet


He ran and hid this morning. (nice hiding spot too, right near the furnace so he was warm).  kills me because he hasn't ever run before.

Spoke to the vet.  He knew my aversion to surgery for him, and he told me my options were surgery or euthanasia.  Seeing as he has refused to show any infirmity, and insists about going on with his life, I can't see putting him down.  While it is not the same, and I know it, it is akin to me of putting down a perfectly healthy cat.

He does not do well with surgery - but I think that is his pride more than anything else.  Refusing to acknowledge that he just went through something major and insisting on doing everything he did previously.  I can only hope and pray that the vet will find enough healthy tissue to close up the wound after debulking the tumor and he will heal well.

Dr. B tells me that I should not feel guilt.  That I am making an informed decision with the information I have at hand.  Which is what I tell people myself.  But telling guilt to leave and not come back is much like telling mice not to invade your home after they learned you have food.  I know it is not reasonable, but it is there.

Dr. B also said something to me that helps a lot.  He told me he was in pain now.  In five days he shouldn't be.  If we chose not to do the surgery in five days either he would still be suffering and have a huge oozing wound thing, or we would have to put him down.  A, B or C.  All the options suck.  Surgery sucks the least.  It gives him a chance.

Ollie, I'm sorry of the circumstances of your life right now.  I'm doing what I can to help.

(the guilt is finding home in the spot Dr. B opened up when he said (and he only said this because I asked him for his honest answer) that if this were his cat he would put him down but he also acknowledged that he doesn't live with Ollie and doesn't see his day to day life)

1 comment:

  1. Poor Ollie! Lots of healing purrs and Light to him and hugs to you. You can only do what you think and feel is the right thing for him.

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