Friday, February 22, 2013
No means No.
Sorry, no kitties on this post. It's my blog and I'm gonna rant if I want to.
I have a very strong aversion to having my photo taken. When I see people with a camera I tend to run and hide. No one around me really understands it, and I can't really explain it, but a good part of it boils down to the fact that I can not stand to see myself in photographs. Just having a camera go off in my general direction makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable.
My husband is constantly telling me to relax when family has a camera because they want record of my being around and I won't ever have to see the photos, but inevitably I see them... and I hate it and resent that people don't respect my feelings.
My work is redoing their website. They took photos of all of us (except me because I refused) last year. They want to redo them for the new website. Once again I declined.
Well my boss - the owner of the company - brought his camera in to work today and was taking photos of people. I hid out of view when I saw that he was pointing it towards me. Everyone laughed. Oh silly Connie, she's just silly. No one seemed to care care that I didn't want my photo taken.
At one point he stood on the far side of the room with his camera, and so I hid. It was hard to finish up my work (have you ever tried to work while hiding behind your desk?) so I kept peeking to see if he had moved on. He hadn't. He sat there waiting. I told him no. I told him I would have to leave. I peeked again and heard the click.
I suppose I should have been a little more forceful in my no. I should have said things that I would have felt was very rude especially since this man signs my paychecks. But these should haves are akin to 'blaming the victim'.
After I finished up my work I went over to his desk and told him I was extremely uncomfortable with his taking my picture. He blew it off and said that no one knows who I am because they have never seen me. I told him I like it that way. I tried explaining that I had been harassed pretty badly online once before and one of the few photos I have shared was brought into it, and he said that someone used his photo to complain about him too and he just blew it off (cause your feelings have anything to do with mine!! grrr and having someone complain about you is NOTHING like the harassment I went through) and so I went back to I am very uncomfortable with my photo being taken and I did not want it going anywhere.
He seemed to tap dance around it... throwing out words that indicated to me he has no intention of deleting the photo. Not in a mean way, but very much like an adult talking to a child who is asking something silly.
Why can't people accept that no means no. I don't care if you don't understand why someone is saying no. I don't care if you think they really mean yes (like when you offer them coffee or something to eat and you fear they are only saying no because they don't want to be a bother - aka "are you sure?" I'm pretty sure that if someone say no, they knew what they were saying) To continue on with your 'harmless" activity after someone told you no... is simply wrong.
Please. The next time someone says no to you, accept it and respect it. Even if you don't understand it. Especially if you don't understand it.