Monday, January 17, 2011

Ollie and the decision


After his trip through the house, and the treats, he went back to his make shift bed. It saddened me that it wasn't under the tree, but I was also glad for it, so I could pat him and kiss him - well as much as I could with out ticking him off.  He never really was one for liking attention thrust upon him.

I wanted to pick him up and snuggle him close, I wanted to coo in his ear and tell him it was ok.  But again Ollie wasn't that kind of cat.  Snuggling was not his thing, coo-ing? right out.  and the cancer made him very uncomfortable so I hated the idea of picking him up.  I contented myself with sitting near him and kissing his head.

later that evening, I got out the "kitty crack" I always thought that Temptations were the end all and be all of if a cat was going to eat. No matter how lousy my kitties feel they often will eat Temptations.  Ollie was very interested in them, and ate maybe a dozen, but then stopped.  He crawled back into his blankets and was breathing very hard.  This concerned me greatly.

I went to bed Saturday night, but awoke in the middle of the night.  I climbed out of my warm bed and went to see him.  He seemed interested in seeing me.  I got out the temptations, he did not want any.  I made the decision in the middle of the cold night to not wait.  I hung out with him for a while more, until it seemed I was no longer needed and I went to bed.

In the morning I tried with food again.  He had just a few bites of the baby food, and no temptations.  that clinched it.  it was time.  I called the shelter and they were OK with my coming right down.  They were very kind, and while I found it interesting that the only cat I owned who didn't come from the shelter was going to have his life ended there.

We brought him in the laundry basket he spent Thursday in.  We put in the towels he had been sleeping on and the bathrobe I used a lot that I had snuggled him into when he was in the blankets.  I had to pick him up, and I hated that, because I knew I had to cause him some discomfort, but once I put him down, he settled.  He didn't try to reposition himself, he just accepted it.  I picked up the basket and headed for the door.  Once we hit the outside, he liked the smell, and perked up and looked like he might want to get out, well I knew that couldn't end well, so I patted him to calm him, and he laid back down.  He occasionally looked around during the trip, but for the most part just laid there.  Back outside moving from the truck to the shelter, he lifted his head, and I waited a few minutes to let him enjoy being outside - something he did like as long as he was safe.  (occasionally he snuck out on his own and he was uncomfortable once he realized he was on his own)

The women who helped me were very kind.  His blood pressure was very low, so it wasn't as easy as I would have liked. He growled a bit at them when they tried to find a vein, which I found to be so typically Ollie.  if he hadn't growled, I would have known he was too far gone.

Once the injection was given, he had a "death rattle"  the woman explained that when a cat is really ill they become very tight and with death they relax.  I smiled because Ollie was always wound very tightly, even as a healthy young man.  Picking him up you could feel how tense he was all the time.  His passing was "very Ollie" which brought me some comfort.

I miss him terribly.  I am glad I do not have the guilt that I felt with Em.  Emmy did not want to leave.  Ollie was ready.   Em was VERY dependent on me, Ollie was VERY independent.  His passing, while feeling like the right thing, is still very hard.  I find myself "leaking" (tears falling down my face) at random moments (and this one) when I think about the oddest things.

I came home and sat with Tinsel and Peter for a while.  Both were very snuggly (Tinsel is amazingly snuggly, he LOVES being held much as you would snuggle a teddy bear) and I ended up watching the final "Dead Like ME'.  

For those who have followed this blog for a while know that I watched the first season final episode when Bri passed.  It was interesting that they had a rabbit death in that episode.  I found it highly comforting - in it's own bizare way. Well in this episode (the wrap up movie) Murray died.  Murry being a cat.  Owned and loved by a supporting charater on the show.  He was dealing with kidney issues since the previously mentioned episode, and  now "five years later" he was in decline.  His owner took off time from work to be with him, and when he passed, they had a service for him.  The euolgy was very touching, and again comforting in its own way.  I tried to find a transcript of it online but couldn't so I did my best to get it right.

my dear sweet Murray,
though you've slipped through deaths slim door
i declare you were not just a cat
you were so much more
you were my companion
my pal
my friend
you were there with me loving me
until the end
dear one always patient never mean
you were the best little kitty we'd ever seen
eyes of amber
silver whiskers oh so tickley
that rough little tongue and the way you licked me
time is fleeting, a life passes so quickly
comforting me in my dark hours,
you were always remind me  stop to smell the flowers
when we meet across that great divide
we'll run and play and we'll abide
in cool pastures
your loud purr will welcome me where we'll laugh
and cuddle
and forever be free




I'm sure in time I will feel OK with what transpired. But right now I miss him too much






3 comments:

  1. Our time *is* too short with our beloved four-legged family members.

    Wishing you Blessings and Peace and sending universal Light.

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  2. I am so sorry for your loss. Nobody can really say anything to make it better, only time will help that. Just know that people are thinking of you and cats are sending warm purrs to you at this difficult time.

    ReplyDelete
  3. We are sad here too. You were very much in tune with what Ollie needed, although that does not make the pain any less. But I know Ollie would be happy knowing that we kitties here are purring for you in hopes that it might in some small way make it a little more bearable.

    ReplyDelete

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