Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Letting go, moving on, and trusting the greater good
A few weeks ago I was contacted by someone who volunteers at another area cats only shelter about Abby. HART is an all volunteer run shelter and they currently have 10 diabetic cats in their care. Their volunteers are very dedicated and each diabetic cat is tested before they are given insulin.
I did not want Abby to go back to a shelter, I wanted her to be adopted. I wanted her to have a home of her own with someone who was so willing to just sit down and pat her and not ask too much of her. As time went on I had to accept that this was not in the cards for her. I am still hoping that she will find an advocate at HART who will find her just the right human and she will have that, but right now being at HART is really her best option. She will have room to move around, as they have a room dedicated to their diabetics, and she will have friends - both feline and human.
I got the necessary paperwork in order and made an appointment between noon and three to bring her up and drop her off last Saturday. I had such big plans to bring my camera and take lots of photos for you to see where she is going, but I decided I didn't want to bring my big gommy camera and decided to do with my cell phone which takes pretty good photos.
I spent the morning with her. She seemed to really enjoy the attention which was nice. I patted her for so long that my hand become quite fur covered. I belong to a reiki board on facebook and I asked for good energy for Abby for her transition as I knew that this would be difficult for her.
I went back down at noon time to collect her. My husband sat next to her and patted her while I moved the carrier into a position to put her in it. I then turned and went to pick her up and she actually hissed at me. She NEVER did that before. Part of me was proud she was feeling confident enough to tell me off, but it also really hurt. I tried coddling her, cooing at her, but she wasn't relaxing and I was just starting to feel worse and worse. I decided to just scoop her up and put her in the carrier. I've done this a number of times before and while she doesn't like it, she never has had a serious issue; this time she started peeing. Fortunately the way I was caring her she simply peed on the floor and not on me or even on herself. I double checked that she was clean and tried again and was able to get her in there right quick.
She mewed quite pathetically and it broke my heart. I decided to cover the carrier with a towel which seemed to calm her down. The drive in was pretty uneventful which was nice. It was snowing a little but it wasn't causing a problem. The transfer was pretty simple. I did a little paperwork and my husband brought her into the intake room and help set her up in a cage with the blanket she has been sleeping with for a while to help her with the transition.
At this point I was really getting over emotional and all plans of taking lots of photos was out the window. It took every ounce of strength to get myself out of there in one piece, and no surprise to anyone but me I started sobbing like a fool. (You'll just have to make due with my last photo shoot I did up that way that I shared here and this photo of the lobby kitty)
I know this is the best thing for her, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt.
I came home to news that one of my former foster kittens, adopted by someone I knew prior to her adopting, is not doing well. She is doing so poorly in fact that her mom has decided that it would be kinder to let her go. Even the idea of it is shattering and I so very much want to jump in and make suggestions and offer treatment ideas and hopes and recommendations. I KNOW that doing this would be a bad idea as her mom has been through the ringer with her, but it doesn't stop me from wanting to...aching to...
So the lesson of the week has been hitting me square in the face over and over.. I really must remember to let go, move on and trust the greater good..
but letting go has never been one of my strong suits..
So I've been doing some self care.. sleeping in since I have no kittens to feed nor a diabetic to test.. which was good because I also had a pretty horrid week health wise and I needed some time to stop the stress... so I ate the worst possible thing I had in my house.. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Mac and Cheese..
and got a good chuckle when the turtle I won over at The Swiss Cats came in. It is absolutely adorable. Claire did a wonderful job on it and the cats are so not getting it. She also sent me a keychain that looks a lot like another obsession of mine - superballs!
I will be taking some time before I start actively campaigning for kittens. I would adore some right now to get my mind off things, but there is no being sure they wouldn't get sick or some weird thing go wonky, so I think this is for the best. I do have a couple of posts I want to get off my proverbial chest so I won't be going cold silent..
I also can not wait to share with you my "Kitten Watch 2015" image.. it is freakingly adorable!