Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Letting go, moving on, and trusting the greater good



A few weeks ago I was contacted by someone who volunteers at another area cats only shelter about Abby. HART is an all volunteer run shelter and they currently have 10 diabetic cats in their care. Their volunteers are very dedicated and each diabetic cat is tested before they are given insulin.

I did not want Abby to go back to a shelter, I wanted her to be adopted. I wanted her to have a home of her own with someone who was so willing to just sit down and pat her and not ask too much of her.  As time went on I had to accept that this was not in the cards for her. I am still hoping that she will find an advocate at HART who will find her just the right human and she will have that, but right now being at HART is really her best option. She will have room to move around, as they have a room dedicated to their diabetics, and she will have friends - both feline and human.

I got the necessary paperwork in order and made an appointment between noon and three to bring her up and drop her off last Saturday.  I had such big plans to bring my camera and take lots of photos for you to see where she is going, but I decided I didn't want to bring my big gommy camera and decided to do with my cell phone which takes pretty good photos.

I spent the morning with her. She seemed to really enjoy the attention which was nice. I patted her for so long that my hand become quite fur covered.  I belong to a reiki board on facebook and I asked for good energy for Abby for her transition as I knew that this would be difficult for her.


I went back down at noon time to collect her. My husband sat next to her and patted her while I moved the carrier into a position to put her in it. I then turned and went to pick her up and she actually hissed at me. She NEVER did that before. Part of me was proud she was feeling confident enough to tell me off, but it also really hurt. I tried coddling her, cooing at her, but she wasn't relaxing and I was just starting to feel worse and worse.  I decided to just scoop her up and put her in the carrier. I've done this a number of times before and while she doesn't like it, she never has had a serious issue; this time she started peeing. Fortunately the way I was caring her she simply peed on the floor and not on me or even on herself. I double checked that she was clean and tried again and was able to get her in there right quick.

She mewed quite pathetically and it broke my heart.  I decided to cover the carrier with a towel which seemed to calm her down. The drive in was pretty uneventful which was nice. It was snowing a little but it wasn't causing a problem. The transfer was pretty simple. I did a little paperwork and my husband brought her into the intake room and help set her up in a cage with the blanket she has been sleeping with for a while to help her with the transition.


At this point I was really getting over emotional and all plans of taking lots of photos was out the window. It took every ounce of strength to get myself out of there in one piece, and no surprise to anyone but me I started sobbing like a fool. (You'll just have to make due with my last photo shoot I did up that way that I shared here and this photo of the lobby kitty)


I know this is the best thing for her, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt.

I came home to news that one of my former foster kittens, adopted by someone I knew prior to her adopting, is not doing well. She is doing so poorly in fact that her mom has decided that it would be kinder to let her go. Even the idea of it is shattering and I so very much want to jump in and make suggestions and offer treatment ideas and hopes and recommendations. I KNOW that doing this would be a bad idea as her mom has been through the ringer with her, but it doesn't stop me from wanting to...aching to...



So the lesson of the week has been hitting me square in the face over and over.. I really must remember to let go, move on and trust the greater good..

but letting go has never been one of my strong suits..

So I've been doing some self care.. sleeping in since I have no kittens to feed nor a diabetic to test.. which was good because I also had a pretty horrid week health wise and I needed some time to stop the stress... so I ate the worst possible thing I had in my house.. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Mac and Cheese..



and got a good chuckle when the turtle I won over at The Swiss Cats came in. It is absolutely adorable. Claire did a wonderful job on it and the cats are so not getting it. She also sent me a keychain that looks a lot like another obsession of mine - superballs!


I will be taking some time before I start actively campaigning for kittens. I would adore some right now to get my mind off things, but there is no being sure they wouldn't get sick or some weird thing go wonky, so I think this is for the best.  I do have a couple of posts I want to get off my proverbial chest so I won't be going cold silent..

I also can not wait to share with you my "Kitten Watch 2015" image.. it is freakingly adorable!

25 comments:

  1. Oh, hard things are just so damn HARD. Sending you positive vibes and good juju...

    {{hugs}}

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  2. *hugs* Good for you on the self-care. You deserve it.

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  3. Letting go is one of the hardest things for humans to do. Purrs to you, and to Abby, and to your former foster. Take care of yourself.

    P.S. My human thought the Mutant Ninja Turtle mac and cheese looked yummy! She loves stuff like that.

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  4. I could eat that mac and cheese right now. I don't blame you for splurging at all!

    Purrs for Abby. Also to you, of course.

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  5. What a tough, tough thing to have to do. Be kind to yourself. You do amazing things for fosters and your crew, and you deserve that self-care, too.

    We're purring that HART will be a good situation for Abby once she settles in until she finds a forever home. The head peep has transported for HART, and they're great people.

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  6. I have so much respect and admiration for you and others like you who foster. I can't imagine having to let go over and over again. It takes someone with a huge heart to do this kind of work. I'm glad you're taking some time to take care of yourself before you take on any more cats.

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  7. Oh, I'm so sorry about all this. The Abby story has always broken my heart so I can only imagine what you're going through and then the foster kitten on top of that. You have such a big heart and are so kind but that always means there will be pain and again I'm sorry.

    I'm definitely still hoping for a good ending for Abby but I hope she'll be happy at HART in the meantime.

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  8. Doing the right thing seriously sucks sometimes. I KNOW that you are doing the right thing for Abby. I say all the time that the adults I foster (momma cats) don't get adopted hanging out in my living room. I am glad that you got to take her and see her settle in. Hopefully they will be willing to keep you updated. As to the adopter, we are sending lots of purrs and love...there is nothing harder than losing the battle and letting go.

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  9. *hugs* As you know, the people at HART are wonderful. I'm sure Diabetic Cats in Need will be happy to cross-post anything HART posts about her after her quarantine period is over. (Assuming she has to go through that.)

    Have you thought about asking your Reiki group for some Reiki for yourself? This was a big transition for you, too.

    It really is so very hard to let them go, even when it's the best thing for them.

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  10. Abby is where she needs to be right now - she's getting exposure to potential adopters! You done good. Take care.

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  11. After a while it all catches up with you. My best antidote was always to take some time away and selfishly indulge in loving only my own family of felines, enjoy the sameness of every day in my home for a while, and maybe some boxed mac n cheese too! Kitten season has begun, they'll be knocking on your door soon. Take care of yourself in the meantime.

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  12. Sending more positive energy. You did a good thing for Abby, the best that anyone could do for her now.

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  13. You want so hard to make it right for those you bring into your heart, that is one of the best things you give those that come into your care. You give them such unconditional love. Unless you had been willing to just continue to foster Abby, I don't know of any other option available to you. I was so rooting for her and you and a happy ever after outcome. But, you never know how things will turn out. Things have a way of working out exactly as they were meant to even if we don't understand them. sending you lots of purrs and hugs.

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  14. What hard times you've gone through for Abby and sad news about one of your former foster kittens. You are doing the very best for Abby. Please take good care of yourself and I hope you feel better xoxo

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  15. I pray Abby gets her forever home soon. I wish I could get her, she looks like such a sweetie. That turtle did come out great.

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  16. We give you our bestest pawpats and biscuits kneading, we know you need them. We pray that Abby will eventually find a home where she will be looked after with love and understanding and for you some peace with the decisions you HAD to make.

    Purrs,
    Emma and Buster

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  17. We guess this is the hard part about fostering, right? But you did what was best, as hard as that is. We're purring that Abby adjusts well to her new living situation. We think she will.

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  18. My sister has to get rid of her kitten she has been offered a public housing place and she cannot have pets and it is so hard for her but it is what it is

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  19. I'm so sorry, it sounds like a really tough week. I'm hoping, as you are, that Abby will find that forever, but in the meantime be content in her new surroundings. It's truly sad to hear the news about your former foster, it must be very hard for the family who brought her home.

    You've done so much for the cats; take care of yourself too.

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  20. That must have been so very difficult. Thank you for doing what is best for Abby. We are sending hugs, purrs and prayers your way.

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  21. You did a great job with Abby. We hope everything will go well for her. Purrs
    Pee-Esse : we're very happy you finally got your turtle !

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  22. This post gave me a lump in my throat. You have gone above and beyond for Abby. You do so much for all your fosters, but you went the extra mile for her. At least she is in a more appropriate shelter, and with luck she may find a forever home. I hope so. How heartbreaking to hear about your other foster kitten. We are sending big purrs your way.

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  23. Oh...my eyes are leaking!
    You took such good care of Abby..
    Big fuzzy hugs to you...

    Noodle and crew

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  24. Connie, I continue to admire you for what you do for so many kitties. I just couldn't do it. I would be sobbing constantly and eating more than a little Mac 'n Cheese. I am going to be praying that Abby finds just the right home and will not spend the rest of her life at HART. Take some time for yourself for some R and R. Kitten season is upon us, and I know you'll be filling your heart and home with more fosters. Hugs, Janet

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  25. Happy Blogoversary from all of us! I remember that BlogPaws and the Flat Me got to meet you. You have one of the best blogs going so keep doing what you do best!!!

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