Thursday, November 10, 2016

Final hours



This has been so hard. It is a fine line we draw for ourselves when dealing with an end of life illness; we want to squeeze every last moment out and keep them with us as long as possible... that is why we have pets.. they are not disposable when things aren't easy.

I clung to the 3-6 month prognosis from the vet, hoping that we would have her through Christmas. I feared that wouldn't be the case considering how fast it became so big. If we could get her through Thanksgiving, that would have been okay.

My husband can not deal. He shuts down when we have the conversation. He does not want to let her go and he does not want her to suffer.. She was bright eyed, interested in being with him, and she was eating, so waiting seemed reasonable. I discussed with him how it was kinder to put her down before she got to the point where she was miserable. I discussed how I fully believe that a month too early is far kinder than a minute too late. I kept having the conversation.

When she dropped the weight after cutting back the pred and I felt the tumor on both sides of her neck when I put my hand there I doubted we would get through Thanksgiving.. I feared what trying would mean. I was scared she would have some sort of event on Thanksgiving day and we would be so stressed over her.. and she would suffer.. I talked to him again about possibly this weekend or maybe next.. He couldn't make a decision.

She stopped eating raw food a few days ago, but happily ate chicken, so I fed it to her. Last night I opened up a can of Rx recovery food (it is very finely ground so it is easy to swallow) and she ate almost a quarter of a can. For her, that was impressive on a good day so I went to bed feeling confident we had time.

Today, she won't eat anything.

I called the vet, we have an appointment tomorrow the 11th at 2:15 EST.

I attempted to give her some fluids to help her since she isn't eating, but she was not having any of that. I got about half the amount I wanted to before she started growling, so I gave up. Fortunately, she forgave me pretty quickly.

I have a feeling my husband is going to be sleeping on the couch tonight to be closer to her.. It breaks my heart to lose her.. but it breaks my heart that he is losing her..


I'm going to be a mess, I know it. I'm not even going to try to hide it, so I'm going to hide me. If you see me over the next couple of days, feel free to join me in my denial of what is going on and talk to me about anything other than what I'm going through.. because that is the only way I am going to be able to get through it.

87 comments:

  1. Oh, Connie...so much love going out to you and your family, so much love. <3

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  2. Oh I am so so sorry. I had hoped you'd have the weekend together, but it is not meant to be. I pray for a peaceful passing, and am sending lots of love to you.

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  3. Know that we are all thinking of you.❤️

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  4. Connie, you have such a beautiful heart! Much love to you and your family! *big warm hugs to you*

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  5. Dorothy1:50 PM

    Connie, I am so, so sorry. Know that Miss Kit has had an amazing life of love and joy with you two, and hang on to the happy memories. Love never dies. Peace and blessings.

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  6. Lots of folks walking with you both. Give anything to make it better. You're giving her the greatest gift....and we'll all be so sad right along with you two.

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  7. Wendie1:51 PM

    So very very sorry for your impending loss. It's so very hard. Thinking of you guys.

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  8. My heart is breaking for you all... I have tomorrow off - if you need anything, call me.

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  9. I'm so sorry. There is nothing harder. Absolutely nothing. {{{HUGS}}}

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  10. Connie, my heart breaks for you and your husband. Thank you for sharing her story with us, what a lovely girl.

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  11. We are so so sorry. That is by far the hardest decision to make but just know you are doing the right thing. Just know that she knew so much love while she was with you.

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  12. I'm so, so sorry. Sending love and purrs to your family and Kit.

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  13. My human and I are so sorry for both of you and I'm sending lots of purrs to you and to Kit in this sad time.

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  14. Connie, I'm so sorry to hear this. I haven't been around the blogosphere the last couple of months, so I didn't realize this was even going on - I'm sorry for that. Please know that you, your husband, and all of your furry gang are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending lots of love to you all

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  15. We sure hate that and send you purrs, hugs and all our love.

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  16. When it was Tungsten's time to go, I kept grasping any little sign that she needn't go yet. She still wanted to drink water, she was still trying to eat; the night before she died, she even climbed up onto the bathroom basin to have some water, but she wouldn't drink. I let her go the next morning.

    We try not to think of the end when we are at the beginning. But it always comes, and it's always hard. I think it's worse because we can't explain to them what is going on. Sometimes we can't even explain it to ourselves. My sympathies to all there.

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  17. As you wish, but I'm sending purss and hugs too! When I got home from work last night, all of the woolies from my bedroom had migrated into the upstairs hallway, the stairs, the downstairs hallway, and into the dining room. The Hubby left them in situ, so I could witness another great wooly migration. Chuck is a very good wooly herder!

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  18. Big hugs to you, her, your husband, and all the rest of your kitties. She is well loved by you guys and us. We are here for you should you need us.

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  19. I'm already crying. All our love and Light and purrs and purrayers to Kit, to you and your husband. The journey through grief is a solitary one, but please know that you have many, many people surrounding you with Love. May Kit's journey be quick and peaceful. Blessings to you all. ♥

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  20. Sending you and your husband so much love. Thank you for loving her and for sharing her with us.

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  21. I tell people over and over that the best advice I got about Coral was from you....I am so sorry. This is so similar to Maestro and Tim - one minute they seem ok, and then they aren't and suddenly being the human and the adult sucks. sending all my love....

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  23. I'm so sorry, Connie. <3 <3 <3

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  24. Heartbreaking and sad. I'm so sorry, Connie. All of you are hurting so bad right now, words are inadequate and I pray you have the strength to love as you ease your furbaby onto her journey. ((hugs)) ~ Julie & the kitties: Tinker, Anastasia, Chopin and Bridgie. xxx

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  25. So much love to all of you. Holding you in my heart....

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  26. I'm so very sorry. Never easy. Sending love and purrs.

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  27. Not a super regular follower, but my heart goes out to you. You have the right to be a mess. Take things as they come. Remember the good - don't dwell on the bad. Hugs and gentle headbonks to you and yours

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  28. I am so sorry. Such a difficult decision to make. You will be in our purrs and prayers.

    The Florida Furkids

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  29. Anonymous2:47 PM

    Sending love and prayers your way , I do understand

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  30. Oh I am so sorry. Thank goodness Kit has you to do what is right for her. Sending all kindness your way.

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  31. (((HUGS))) Sending you all so much love *whisker tickles*

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  32. I am so sorry. I kept praying God would take her so I wouldn't have to deal with it. God bless you both.

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  33. All I can say is thinking of you and your husband with complete understanding.
    (Hugs)

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  34. So very sorry. We love them so hard and so deeply.

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  35. So very sorry. We love them so hard and so deeply.

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  37. Oh, Connie. My heart aches for you and your husband. It's been such a long time since I had to make this kind of decision, but the pain of it still haunts me. 'A month too early is far kinder than a minute too late...' that is so very compassionate and wise. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you hugs, comfort and love.

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  38. Peace to your heart.

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  39. We're so, so sorry. It's such a hard decision, and the most loving one at the same time. We think of you, of Kit, and of your husband. We send you comforting purrs and hugs.

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  40. Sending light love and purrs.
    πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ

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  41. Such a hard time for you guys. Hard to let her go, but bravest to do so. I've been through it, all we can do is hold their memories close to comfort us. My thoughts are with you.

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  42. We love you and your family. Be good and kind to yourselves.

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  43. I so feel your pain having been in such a similar situation so recently. Sending pure love and energy to you both. Give them all the love you can. Big hugs.

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  44. I promise to talk to you about anything other than this, when we are online at the same time, for as long as you need me to.

    But I *NEED* to tell you, right here and right now, that my heart aches for you.
    And that by laughing together and making light of things in the coming days does NOT mean that my heart is not very quietly breaking for you.

    Nor does it mean that I am not silently wishing with all my heart that I could somehow, some way lessen the pain that you and G are both feeling over this.

    Shedding tears for you - but quietly. Hugging you from a distance. And knowing absolutely that you're doing the right thing for her, though it breaks your heart to do so.

    {{{hugs and love}}} (and soft paw pats from Maxie)

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  45. So very sorry you and your husband are going through this pain. Our pets are precious and it is so hard to let go. {{{Hugs}}}

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  46. Our hearts are breaking right along with yours. We will be thinking of you, your husband and sweet Kit as you go through this most difficult time. Purrs...

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  47. I am so sorry you have to make this hardest but also the kindest decision. My thoughts are with you and your husband, and with Kit for a peaceful passing.

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  48. I'm so sorry, Connie. It's so hard, and no matter how many times we've gone through it, it never gets any easier - nor should it. My heart goes out to you. Wishing you strength to get through the next 24 hours and beyond.

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  49. Connie, I'm sending comforting purrz to you and your husband. This isn't easy but it's a final gift of love to Kit.

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  50. Oh Connie..as hard as this is you are doing a great thing for your beloved kitty. Better too soon than too late as you said. I have had to make this decision so many times and it never gets easier. Know that her soul will live on just the other side of the veil. She will live on in the hearts of those who love her. Sending love and healing light.

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  51. Sending comforting thoughts. May Kit, your husband and you find some peace.

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  52. Comforting purrs to all. (((hugs)))

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  53. Prayers for all of you. I have gone through this myself over the years - but it was between me and the cat...there were no other humans in the decision. How doubly heartbreaking. Love on Kit to the max.

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  54. So fast so hard. So sorry. Purrs and hugs. ��

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  55. So sorry for the pain you and your family are going through. Purrs and kisses from Portugal... I once had a cat in my family that died from leukemia and we couldn't deal with the pain, it passed almost 12 years and we all still remember that wonderful animal... I still dream about him and my whole family still talks about him. The pain and memories stay with you forever but you know that he was happy. Stay strong your pet will always love you

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  56. Webbthistle8:18 PM

    My heart is with you and your husband in such a very sad time. Love to Ms. Kit.

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  57. I am so sorry. I know there are no words that can ease your pain. May you find some comfort in the support you find here and in the sweet memories of your lovely girl Kit.

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  58. We're so sorry - it's so hard to make these decisions.. Purrs

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  59. So sorry to hear this. May your memories ease the coming days.

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  60. My heart breaks for you and Kit. Such a short time after finding the lump. We always wish for more time... but it is the life in the years, not the years in the life. I will be thinking of you tomorrow and will send a little prayer.

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  61. I am so sorry you and your husband have to go through this. I am also sorry you are not getting at the very least, the 3 months. XO

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  62. I am so crying my eyes out right now for you and the Hubby. This is the absolute worst thing about loving pets, as you well know. I will hold thoughts of the both of you in my heart. This isn't easy but it's right. Bless you. Namaste.

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  63. Connie, we are so very sorry. Sending love and gentle purrs to you and your husband. Thank you both for loving Kit so much, and so well.

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  64. I'm so sorry for your up coming loss of Miss Kit. My heart goes out to you both. Cherish your memories.

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  65. It is ever so hard when we have to say goodbye to our loved friends. It is harder for us as we have to make that decision for them but it is the kindest thing. My heart weeps with you as we had to do the same in the summer with our beloved Sirius who we loved so much. Thinking of you.

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  66. Loving thoughts are being sent your way. My heart breaks for you and your hubby. You both gave Kit such a wonderful and loving home and you have so many wonderful memories and pictures of her. They will bring you so much comfort. Much love and lots of hugs.

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  67. Kerry5:06 AM

    Thinking of all of you. I'm so sorry that this has progressed so rapidly. Like you, I'm a firm believer in being able to help terribly ill members of one's animal family go while they are still essentially themselves.

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  68. Sending you and your husband hugs, warm thoughts, and love. What a lucky kitty Kit is to have such wonderful parents who love her dearly with all their hearts. xoxo

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  69. I'm so sorry for you and your husband. This is always the worse decision to be forced to make. When it's made with complete love, as you are doing, it's the right thing to do. When we had to say goodbye to our Gracie, the vet said, "Thank you for letting her go with dignity".
    xxoo
    Maggie

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  70. Oh, Connie! I'm so very sorry. So, so difficult but, as you know, the kindest thing you can do. If I were there, I'd give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on for as long as you need it. It will just have to be virtual. Thinking of you on this -- and the next few -- very tough day.

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  71. Hugs and purrs to you and your family.
    Purrs Georgia and Julie,
    Treasure and JJ

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  72. Big hugs to you all, and just to echo all of the above comments as hard as this is you are doing the right thing. There is nothing worse than watching someone you love suffer and not being able to do a thing about it, although hard. Knowing she isn't going to suffer is the kindest thing you can do for her. Sorry, not much of a distraction. Can I interest you in a joke?

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  73. I am so very sorry for you, your husband and your kitty. It is so very hard to lose a pet, since they so love us as we do them. My thoughts are with all three of you.

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  74. My heart breaks for all of you. Sending hugs

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  75. Connie, my heart breaks for you. We are walking a fine line with Fiona and praying she will make it through the holidays. That three to six months sounded so unreasonable to me. Lymphoma, once diagnosed, usually moves so quickly. We had Madison for 13 days after his diagnosis. I know that no matter how hard the decision is that you will make the right one for you, Kit, your husband and your entire fur family. I hope that things go smoothly for Kit today. She knows you love her and that she is a valued member of your family who will remain in your heart and memories always. Sending lots of love and hugs from me and purrs from the kitties, Janet

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  76. I wish I had the words. I wish there was a clear point where we were sure it was time ... but those are rare. And so we fight with ourselves ... taking every change (eating, not eating, etc) as evidence of what to do. Loving Kit is the best you can do for her - and you do that and have done that for every second she's been in your life. Most of all, I wish we could keep our babies forever. I'm horrible about letting go ... even years past the physical decision was made. Sending you love and hugs and prayers for peace. You and Kit have been on my mind a lot - you are both loved.

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  77. I don't want to add to your pain as I just went thru this with our beloved little Gracie on Wed. I waited to long, and as you know we take every little thing as a "maybe" I started praying for you and your husband several days ago. Thank you for your blog and blessing me with absolutely adorable pics! I love my kitty fix that I get from them =^..^= The pic of your husband and Kit...priceless!!!

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  78. You have all my hugs and love and prayers. I'm sorry you have to go through this, all of you. There is nothing I can say that will help, so I'll just say again, hugs and love and I'm sorry.

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  79. I am so very sorry. What a precious picture of Kit--such a sweet face--and your husband. I am truly sorry for you both.

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  80. We are so very sorry.
    We send our love and hugs.

    Noodle and crew

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  81. Dear Connie, I am so sorry. Everyone before me has said it all so well. I am sending you, your husband and your entire furry family hugs and purrs.

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  82. I'm sorry . I'm sending you and your husband my thoughts and prayers. It's gut wrenching, hard.
    ((hugs))

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  83. I am imagining the raw first hours after a loss and thinking of your pain, both you and your husband. I hope it begins to shift to sweet memories soon.

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  84. I am so sorry. I know the words don't take away your pain, but please know I'm thinking of you and sending *hugs.*

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  85. Godspeed your journey Kit; we are truly sorry and send lots of hugs to your whole family ~~~~~ boomer, daisy, tuna, dude and sauce ♥♥♥♥♥

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  86. We are so so sorry; this is very late but the sentiments are sincere. Hugs.

    Emma and Buster

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