Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Em is still in the game!

this past weekend wasn't easy on us. She was so tired most of the time, and weezing, that I was sure I'd be making that call. We also ran out of pred, so I was faced with which phone call I would make. I found Em on Sunday laying on her feather bed, her rear legs were covered with urine. her pee pads were empty, and I was so very concerned that she was losing control over things.

I decided that if she was covered again on Monday I would make THE call instead of refilling the meds..

Well it turns out that Em has decided to use the litter box again, and she stands right up on the side of the box, so that it splashes back on her.

but why on earth is Em concerned about using the litter box?? she hasn't used one in years.

so anyway.. I called the vet about refilling her pred. Dh was going to pick it up yesterday, but didn't make it before the offices closed. I had called them right before they closed and didn't get through and left a message asking them to leave it outside, well DH didn't find it.. we later found out it was still there, so we went on a car ride to pick it up.

we had "the conversation" about setting the time to do it. He doesn't feel comfortable schedualing death. I can't blame him, neither do I, but it will need to be done. He's no longer able to dismiss her symptoms. She's got mini tremmors or muscle contractions going on. Its VERY subtle.. she's much more reluctant to walk, sleeps a LOT, eats sporatically although she still eats well but her weight is back down to 9lbs. I concidered calling and trying to set something up for this Wednesday. knowing she isn't going to fight this off, it is such a fine line of when I'm keeping her around because she wants to be here, and when I'm keeping her around for me. I am so very not ready. I sobbed on and off while driving to the vet (to get the meds)

I decided if she was still overly tired tomorrow I'd make the call.

well we got home, and she was bright, and interested, and wanting to lick me. This morning the same thing - although she was covered in urine again. So I brought her into the kitchen and rinsed her off. She just let me, purring. I wrapped her up in a towel and brought her into the bedroom for medicine and BG testing. She was fine for a few minutes enjoying the attention, then she wanted to get out of the blanket, and stubbornly she fought me to get out. She stubbornly fought me Sunday night when I gave her fluids too. She hates getting fluids, but I know she likes having them on board :)

So I can't help but wonder if she's not trying to use the litter box to try to tell me she still wants to be around. I still see that spark, that interest in being around. I can't take that from her.

I recently read a poem that someone wrote regarding the rainbow bridge, and the joy the cats have there, running around, chasing mice or butterflys, and generally being active. I giggled. Em has never been one to run around... ever. She - like her mom - has always been one to choose the bed over being active. I can only picture her finding a nice bush to sit under with some comfy underbrush and taking a nice nap.

Ok, enough dwelling. can't cry yet.. she is very much still in this game.

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