Friday, December 23, 2016

Momma is the worst thing ever

I, Eli, was sitting nicely under the Christmas tree enjoying the lights when that woman that wants me to call her momma came over and asked me to come out. I didn't want to, so I just ignored her. Thankfully she went away but a minute later she was back - with a roll of wrapping paper in her hand.

This was it, I just knew it. Fourteen years of waiting for her to try to eat me and it was finally going to happen. She tried to herd me towards her but I was having  *none of that* and bolted past the evil wrapping paper monster (WPM) and bolted for the basement. The WPM flew through the air to make it into the basement before me, so I turned tail and went into the office. There is a big chair I can hide in. I heard the lady who wants me to call her momma talk softly to me, trying to make me believe that the WPM wasn't going to get me and she was going to protect me. I was not buying it.

She opened up the door to my favorite sunroom. I know how cold it is in there, I was not being fooled. When she came to get me, I bolted and ran down the hall to the bedroom. A king bed is an easy place to hide from her.

She shut the door, evil woman, and proceeded to attempt to get me to come out. She knew that waiting for me to calm down was not going to work - I am more stubborn than she is - so she proceeded to shove things under the couch to get me to leave. I would, but I would run right back under there when she would stand up.

So she then started ... get this.. *throwing things at me*!!! that evil woman kept throwing pillows and sweaters at me!! I was so sure she was going to eat me that I started yelling at her to stop. She didn't!!! I ran into the bathroom hoping to escape her, but she just closed me in there with her and scooped me up...

I tried telling her that this was completely unacceptable and I attempted to explain to her that good manners were important (by not trying to scratch her and run away) but she just kept repeating "yes, Yes, I know" (she didn't know) and "It will be okay" (nothing about this was okay). Then she shoved me in a box and shut me in. This was not okay.

I heard Muffin mewing a few moments later and then I felt myself being lifted up and put in the car. I hate traveling at high rates of speed. I sang the song of my people and called upon the ancestors to protect me. I think it helped because I'm here. My favorite ballad is the one where I'm quite for a while then screech out like someone just ripped off my leg.

We got to the vet, and Muff went first. Good.. feel free to ignore me, people. They talked about her arthritis and treatment options. She is going to get a higher dose of adaquan and they talked about giving her fresh salmon in a crystal goblet on a silver plate. She had her bloods stolen, and the vet said her results should be back eventually.

It was my turn.. I tried to hide but they found me. The woman said my teeth were bad and I have to admit I thought about showing her just how good they were, but unlike her, I have manners. The vet looked and agreed. I was not impressed. They took me out back and stole my bloods too. They talked about how I'm starting to sing to my ancestors at night and freaking the woman out so they want to test my thyroid... people, I'm just singing.. nothing wrong with me!! and my chompers work just fine, although I'll admit my gums are a little inflamed.

I'm home now.. and I'm not happy. Muffin might be laying all over the momma, but I'm not so easy.. if she thinks one little treat is going to make me forget she tried to kill me, she has another thing coming.


Connie here. We talked about Eli's teeth. I've noticed some tartar on the inside of his mouth as well as the outside. It has been about 10 months since his last dental and I'm not happy that he is ready for another one. Because he does not like it when I purposefully get a hold of him brushing his teeth on a regular basis is not an option. I'll get him in for a cleaning in the new year, and get Twee in for her exam then. This will leave Skippy and Fleurp who will need to get in and I might wait until Spring to try to catch Fleurp's anemia.

We also talked about Muffin's arthritis. We are going to up the amount of Adaquan we are giving to her. I was originally giving her 0.15 ml, and now we are going to give her 0.25. Because there is no toxic limit, I could give her an entire ML, but we'll keep the new dose and see what happens. It has been six months since her last blood work, so we did that as well. We are monitoring her SDMA level which has been just over the line. The vet mentioned a probiotic that is supposed to help cats with higher kidney values. He doesn't think that her last set of blood work indicates that we should start it so I'm going to do some research on it. Hopefully, her current levels are still on the line and she hasn't gotten any worse.


  1. And Merry Christmas to the kitties...

  2. Oh Eli, you poor baby. I am so sorry for your suffering, but "My favorite ballad is the one where I'm quite for a while then screech out like someone just ripped off my leg." made me laugh out loud. <3

  3. Dear god, what kind of hell are you living in where things fly past you and are thrown at you?! I once sang the ballad where you screech out like someone ripped a leg off. It was 1 a.m. and my humans needed to know I saw a cat out my front window. It's an effective song, when sung sparingly.
    I'm sorry you need your teeth cleaned again so soon. Unfortunately, some kitties just are that way.

  4. Yikes! What a terrible ordeal, Eli, and OMC, so close to Christmas. Words fail us. We're sending purrs to all, though!

    Connie: If you have the name of the probiotic that is supposed to help with kidney values, please let me know (if you think of it). Derry's SDMA was at high normal this past summer, though everything else was awesome, so I haven't followed up further. He already gets a sprinkle of FortiFlora on his canned, just a wee bit, to entice him to eat it (he's a kibblehead).

    Oh, and Nicki needs a dental soon too, though it's been a few years now. So you have my sympathies on that front.

    Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to you all -- may the holiday be UNeventful! :-)

    Kim and the boys

  5. Well, Eli, I guess we know a certain Momma who is going to end up on Santa's naughty list. That stinks about your teeth though. Try to get over the poking and prodding and have a good Christmas.

  6. Eli when are you going to write your own novel. WE totally enjoyed your narrative here. The best reading we have done so far.

    Emma and Buster

  7. Oh, Eli, we think purrhaps you might trust her just a tiny, tiny bit. To the mom - thanks for the update. Dealing with ongoing issues, never fun.

  8. Eli, I'm glad you made it through your terrible ordeal! My human wants to know more about the probiotic so she can discuss it with her vet regarding Binga and Smokey.

  9. Well, Eli, we bet you're glad that's over with now. What an ordeal!

    The mom would like to know about this probiotic too since Wally is now showing signs of kidney disease.

  10. Eli, I'm sorry for your ordeal! But you have such an excellent writing skills. I enjoyed reading your story. Oh but I'm so sorry that you have to do dental again. We struggle with Niko's teeth, too. Currently, one side looks fine but the other side doesn't look so good.

    Merry Christmas and we wish you all happy holidays!

  11. I hope Muffin's new dose eases her pain.Poor Eli-that was an ordeal.

  12. Oh this post made me feel so happy but not the part about the trip to the vet, vets are there to help you but it doesn't always feel like they are going to help sometimes they seem to just want your blood and to complain about this or that.

  13. Eli, guess the woman who wants you to call her momma is just going to eat you another day! Keep up your vigilance!

  14. Eli,
    That lady is not so bad. She was at my house and did not Try to Eat Me, My Evil Mommy is constantly doing things that could Cause Me to Die. I have narrowly Escaped Deaths thousands of times . . . in a single week. I hate having dentals but I am not a Sissy Like the Boys in my house who allow Evil Mommy to brush their teeths. I get dentals. Even vets are safer than Evil Mommy.



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