Wednesday, January 12, 2011

"The Decision"

This isn't going to be a fun post to write, and I doubt it will not be a fun one to read, but I've been musing this over and over lately and I felt the need to write it out.

Part of owning a pet includes the end of the pet's life.  We all know it, we all hate to think about it, but we adopt these adorable loving creatures knowing that unless something drastic happens to us, we are going to outlive them.

With Ollie's cancer progressing much more rapidly now I fear we are measuring his life in weeks.  I keep finding myself trying to plan for the end, but I know full well that is a decision he is going to make and I just have to accept his timing.  I don't much like that, as it leaves so many "what if's" but my alternatives are not all that great either.

I know it is better to ... what, put them down, let them go, help them cross?  for lack of an acceptable term to me, I'm going to use PTS for the purposeful end of life.

so I know it is better to PTS earlier rather then later.  I don't want him to suffer, and I know full well that what he is dealing with is terminal and there is no chance of his getting better.  With Kodi, I held out that chance, and he was suffing when the decision was made.  Em was also suffering, but she REFUSED to accept it and wanted to stay with me. 

So Ollie has two rather large masses on his body.  Do I put him down simply because of the growth?  That doesn't seem right since he - for the most part - is still his same old self.  Granted he's looking a little scraggly because he's having a hard time keeping up with his grooming, and he doesn't jump up on the fridge any more.  Except for the slight limp you might not even be aware he has cancer unless you look real close (his fur hides most of the horrors of the growth)

If I put him down simply because he has it, then I probably should have put him down two years ago when it first showed up.  But then again I've had over two years with him being his grumpy ol self, keeping the crew in line and being loved by him in his own way.

So I wait.  I wait for that sign from him that he has had enough of this stupid thing on his leg and he's done.  Some pets stop playing with their favorite toy, some pets stop eating, some pets will hide when it is their time.  I don't see Ollie using any of those.  I figure he'll start pulling away or being part of the "family".  When he's no longer Alpha Ollie, I guess I'll know

Until then, it is my mission to make him as comfortable as possible.

and I guess that pet door I put in the bathroom door to help Ollie have access to food isn't going to be a part of that plan any more.  Muffin broke through it once, tearing it right out of the door.  We thought it was because we used small screws.  Well we re-installed it with bigger screws, and she just tore through it again.  That is one food motivated cat.

1 comment:

  1. It is a terribly hard decision and I feel your pain as I went through the same thing last September with Molly. I think you have really have made the best plan that you can and that is to see what Ollie tells you. If he is comfortable and not suffering then yes definitely wait until he shows you otherwise. Enjoy the time you have together, you will know when things change.


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