Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Hansel and Gretel

Hello, I'm Hansel and this is my sister Gretel and this is my other sister Gretel*

Boy, do we have a story to tell you!!  Sit back and you'll hear the tale, tail, um.. story..

We entered this world next to our momma, and she took such wonderful care of us.  Our world consisted only of her and she provided everything we needed.  From time to time she would leave, but mostly when we were sleeping, and when we awoke she returned and fed us and cleaned us and we were happy.

But mom got skinnier and skinnier and meals weren't quite as filling as they had been before we could see.  I had no idea what all this meant, but momma seemed a little worried despite her trying to hide it from us and I could tell.

One day someone came along and scooped us up and stuck us all in a box.  it was so strange and so confusing, but momma was there.. she would protect us.  Then they put us in a cage.  It was loud and we were so frightened, but momma was there.  Then they stuck us in another box and put us in ANOTHER box on wheels that went FAST and we traveled and traveled and with a bunch of things that barked and loved the traveling thing... We were scared.  Momma was scared.  She didn't think she could care for us and herself any more, and the new people that took us out of the box and put us in  a cage seemed to agree with her, and they took her away from us.

So stuck in a cage, far far away from all we know.  With great big huge people things opening the cage door and messing with us all the time, food comes and goes, litter is scooped.. we are manhandled.. but at least we have each other.

Then one day a LOT seems to be going on, there is a lot of noise outside the room we are in and some people come and look at us and make weird noises at us.  I think they were cooing, but it was just so weird.  Then the other people come and take us out of the cage.. and they do things.. things I don't really want to talk about, but you should know.  It involved taking off our sharp pointy bits (hey, we need those!! well at least they'll grow back) and trying to drown us with some sort of liquid up our nose** and something different in our mouths and then on our backs!! oh the kitty-anity!! At least my sister told them what for and tried to fight them, she has spirit that one..

Back into another box, back on the road.. and us with out any kibble crumbs to help us find our momma again.. This can not be good.

Oh great, another person.. *sigh* what is she going to do to us??  Why is she talking to us.. AAARRGH!! HANDS!! those things never lead to good things.. stop it stop it stop it..

wait, what?  she stopped?  hun? they haven't ever stopped before..

She's making that stupid cooing talk too.  what is with that??  Well at least it is more soothing then the jarring noise at the other place..

Why is she shaking that thing in our face??  stop that lady!! *bats away with paw* hey, that feels kinda fun.  *bat bat bat* OK, that isn't too bad, but could you just back off and give us some space??

wait, what? she backed off?? weird.

oh great, she's back.  now what??  HEY!! GIVE BACK MY SISTER!!  well if you aren't going to give her back, BE CAREFUL WITH HER!!  AND DON'T EAT HER!!.. oh my cat, Gretel, are you OK???

Yes brother, she held me so high up off the ground, and that was so very scarey, but she patted me all over and many of those spots felt very good - almost like when momma used to groom us.  Those hands apparently do more the harm.  I don't really trust them, but it is nice to know they aren't all bad.  At the very least they saw me safely to the ground so I didn't have to jump from such heights, that could have hurt!

Well that's good Gretel, I'm so glad you are OK *sniff sniff* what is that yummy smell?  Oh great, here she comes AGAIN!! why won't she leave us alone?!?!  watch out sisters.. *sniff sniff* what is this she put in front of us??  *sniff sniff* it smells like that food stuff the other people put in front of us that momma ate.  *nom nom*  it isn't bad.  It isn't great either, but at least we won't starve***

What was that??!?!?!  OH MY BAST!  Someone CATCH THAT THING!!  man it runs fast for not having any feet..

I caught it!! now what do I do with it?? well it isn't moving, it must be dead so I don't have to... HEY! GET BACK HERE!! *scramble scramble scramble* Gretel, get out of my way!!   *pounce* *jump* *wrestle* oh this is fun!!

*jingle jingle jingle*

What was that?!?!  *bat* *jingle jingle jingle*  woh.. *bat* *jingle jingle jingle* *scramble scramble scramble*

Hey, where is the person going?? now we are all alone in this great big room.. but it has a soft comfy place for us to lay.. "um, Hansel, it has like 100 soft comfy places for us to lay!" you are right Gretel, that's cool.  And this climby thing, and those taller things we can jump up on, and hide under and run through, this isn't so bad..

*play play play* *sleep*

Hey, it is morning.. oh great, that person thing is coming back.. well she wasn't the worst thing in the world, and she did give us food, and teach us to play.. Come on sisters, lets give her a cat scan.. BACK UP BACK UP SHE'S GOT THOSE HAND THINGS AGAIN!! oh cod.. why do humans have to come with hands???   Hey, wait she's opening up one of those can things that has the food stuffs in it.. OK, so maybe hands do have SOME uses that aren't horrible. I just wish this foodstuffs was better..

When this story formed in my head, it was because I wished they would fatten up, and I felt like the witch in the story of Hansel & Gretel trying to fatten them up.. but some how that part didn't get in the story.. which is kinda sad now that I think about it, but it is probably a good thing in reality.

*so totally not their names, but I couldn't resist the imagry.
**the shelter uses intranasal vaccines, then they were dewormed and given revolution
***I have yet to find a can of food they will eat more then a few bites of.  Pumpkin did really like the Fancy Feast "green canned" food I brought, but even that he didn't eat all that much off.  I'm so hoping the panacur will work magic and increase their appetite.  Such a dramatic change from the "we eat everything in sight even if our stomach is full, we have empty legs to put it in" attitude of the last litter.


  1. I LOVED your telling of the tale! Well done!

    I hope it won't be long before they realize that "hands" mean wonderful things!

  2. And they lived happily ever after. Not the end.

  3. Love it!! They are adorable!! Instead of reading a book at night now, I'm going through your blog. It's kind of weird going backwards though, and I think tonight I will start at the beginning :) Best bedtime stories!! Well, other than some of the sad parts!

  4. ha ha ha!!! Kitten monologues are my FAVORITE. Hansel should go on Letterman.

  5. awwww - sweet babies....you are safe now and it will be wonderful - we promise!!!

  6. You know they are complete stranger(s) in a strange land and don't understand. It's amazing how well and how quickly they adapt. GOOD story telling!!!

  7. Oh, you all are so adorable! We hope your mom will be ok too.

    Thank you for coming to my party. You little kittens were the life of the party, weren't you? I hope you all had a great time, and thanks for helping to make it a success!

  8. Hahaha! Great story telling skill!

    We do hope the little ones find something they like soon. :)

  9. I so loved this story :) Tell the little guys that Austin says that some hands are the best as they give you scritches and tickles and FOOOOOD! :)

    Trust the hand xox

  10. A tale told from the kitten perspective? Who wouldn't love that! I often wonder how they perceive us.

    As a side note: Do you think Hansel, Gretel & Gretel would like to double date with Delmar, Taggart & Taggart? (Actually, I guess it would be a triple date with one same-sex couple. We could work out the details later.)

  11. Triple date it is! and since they are pretty much gender neutral at this point and before they start caring about boys vs girls they won't have those bits any more, I don't think the same sex thing will be an issue ;)

  12. Anonymous5:16 AM

    love this site – it's a great blog – may i suggest you get an rss feed.


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